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A One Act Play
What Kind of a Life Is That?
By G. L. Horton
copyright © 1976
Geralyn Horton
CHARACTERS:
DOTTIE POTTER 72, a large, clumsy, loud woman
CARRIE WATTS,: Dottie's grandaughter, 16.
LUELLA O'BRIEN 63, a waitress.
MARIE POTTER WATTSDottie's daughter, 40's.
Time/Place/Scene: The time, late afternoon in the fall,
1974. The place, the suburban home of Fred and Marie Watts, outside
a middle-sized middle-American city. The set shows the living
room, furnished in bland good taste. There are doors to an offstage
kitchen-dining area, and to the rear of the house where the bathroom
is, and the bedrooms. The front entrance of the house opens into
the living room. Dottie is convalescing at her daughter Marie's,
and she wears a bright but scruffy robe over the clashing prints
of her slacks and pajama top. There are slippers on her feet,
and she has a "walker" which she uses to get around.
DOTTIE is sitting in a chair near the coffee table. She has a
hand of solitaire spread out, but she's not really absorbed in
it. She's waiting. The phone rings, and she pulls herself up using
her metal frame "walker" and begins to work her way
over to answer it. CARRIE gets to the phone first.
CARRIE (calling, off)
I'll get it , Gram. (on Phone) Hello........Yeah, Mom, about a
half hour ago. No, she's still not here.....Is it in the oven
already?...O.K.(the doorbell rings)I'll----wait a minute, there's
somebody at the door now.
DOTTIE (still up)
I'll get it Carrie. I'm up anyway.
CARRIE (crossing her)
Let me open it.
(CARRIE opens the door for LUELLA)
DOTTIE
It's bound to be-- speak of the devil!
LUELLA
Hello stranger. Had you given me up?
CARRIE
Excuse me...(back to the phone)
DOTTIE
Took you so long I figured you'd waited to hitch up and ride out
with Marie.
LUELLA
Wish to hell I had-- all them buses!
CARRIE (on phone)
Mom? She's here now. All right, I'll tell them. ...I'll do it
right now.
DOTTIE
Marie had to go in to town for some emergency. She didn't explain
it too clear. We tried to get ahold of you....
LUELLA
Dottie, what say we sit down? (gesturing towards the walker) That
contraption makes me nervous.
DOTTIE
Oh yeah, sure Luella, make yourself at home.
LUELLA
Swell shack Marie's got here. Can you get around on that thing
all right?
DOTTIE
Watch me, kiddo, I'm a terror!
LUELLA
Can you go shopping?
DOTTIE
A cart's as good as a walker. Just let me get into that Super--
boy would I race around! Jeeze, I miss it.
LUELLA
Out here in the lap a lux?
DOTTIE
Going to the Super, wandering around to pick up treats-- ain't
that a bitch-- that I'm homesick for the supermarket? Luella,
you got to help me get out of here.
LUELLA
Doesn't Marie feed you good? It sure looks like her and Fred could
afford to.
DOTTIE
Naw, Marie's swell, cooks like a magazine. But it ain't the same
as picking for myself. Grape leaves, different kindsa nuts in
jars-- always trying something new.
LUELLA
Can you chew them things?
DOTTIE
I got good teeth.
LUELLA
Jesus, I don't. First thing to go.
DOTTIE
They're not MY teeth, but they're good teeth. Sometimes I get
those frozen goodies you're supposed to use for parties --- little
puffies with cheese or shrimp? Eat 'em all myself.
LUELLA
They say that stuff's all chemicals.
DOTTIE
Once I tried a eel.
LUELLA
Jesus, ain't they poison?
DOTTIE
Naw! Taste like hell, though.Down ta home they got a whole Spanish
section now, since the Puerto Ricans moved in. I pick up a picture
looks good and take it for supper.
LUELLA
You got to watch that Spanish.Hot stuff'll kill you... and I don't
just mean at the market. I'd be scared to go back to that place
if I was you, all them Puerto Ricans.
DOTTIE
Cubans, too.
LUELLA
Jesus.
DOTTIE
Though they say they ain't the communists.
LUELLA
You can't live with all them Spanish.
DOTTIE
When I lived in Florida I ate Spanish.Guava.Tamarindo. Some old
ladies I know, they live on white bread and Campbell's soup. Not
even different kinds of Campbell's soup, but maybe cream of chicken
over and over. What kind of a life is that?
LUELLA
To tell you the truth, I'm afraid to go to the liquor store.
DOTTIE
You got to move in with me, Luella. How the hell can you live
without booze?
LUELLA
They say they're going to rehab my whole block. Make it condominiums.
You can't win, can you? Neighborhood runs down, the creeps chase
you out. If the neighborhood's looking up, the fatasses're pushing
you out to take your place.
DOTTIE
Listen, Luella, I got just the ticket!You move into my place right
now. Sure-- and then soon as the doc says I'm O.K., I'll be there
too-- we can take out them two chairs, and get us a daybed-- we
don't have to wait for Vista View.
LUELLA
I appreciate the offer, Dottie.... but I don't know....
DOTTIE
We wouldn't be there for long, Luella. Any day now I'm going to
come ta the top of the list. Marie checked in at the office last
week, and one of the old ladies is gone in the hospital . If she
don't come back, that means they got one empty.
LUELLA
If I knew we could get Vista View---
DOTTIE
Security, card rooms, safety bars in the bath-- I could take my
walker right up to the can.
LUELLA
I don't need none of that nursing home stuff-- makes me nervous
just to have it around. Need an ordinary little place: not too
many stairs, and no hot and cold running muggers.....
(CARRIE enters from the kitchen)
CARRIE
Hello.I'm Carrie. I think we met before.
DOTTIE
Sure. You remember Luella.
CARRIE
I put dinner on. Mom said she'll be home in a few minutes. Would
you like something to nibble on while you are waiting?
DOTTIE
Sure--- break out the fatted calf. It ain't everyday me and my
oldest buddy get together.
LUELLA
How do you mean that "oldest?"
CARRIE
I'll see what I can find. I hope there's something good-- I checked
out Mom's casserole:it's creamed leftovers. Would you like something
to drink too?
DOTTIE
Sure would, honey!
CARRIE (off)
There's cider here. Or I can put on the kettle for tea.
DOTTIE
Oh. Yeah,sure, put on the kettle.
LUELLA
Tea? We're going to drink tea?
DOTTIE
Carrie thinks Grandmas drink tea. That's what Grandma Watts drank.
LUELLA
Marie does let you take a little nip now and then?
DOTTIE
Oh, sure.
LUELLA
So how's chances?
DOTTIE
It's awful early.
LUELLA
I thought the suburb set was big for the bloody mary breakfast.
DOTTIE
Maybe we could have a beer.
LUELLA
Sure, a beer. My daughter's not too free with HER booze, either.
I tell her, honey, it's like mother's milk to me.
Would you deny it to your mother that never denied it to you?
DOTTIE
I don't think Marie likes me to drink in front of Carrie.
LUELLA
You're not showing Carrie nothing she don't see all over. Jesus
Mary and Joseph, there's kids ten years old shooting up on the
street!
DOTTIE
Not on this street.
LUELLA
Dry territory?
DOTTIE
Carrie honey, why don't you bring us each in a beer?
CARRIE (off)
What?
LUELLA
Beer!
CARRIE(still off)
OK.
(There is a noise somewhere off.Marie has driven into the garage)
DOTTIE
Cripes - here comes Marie. Luella!
MARIE (outside)
I'm home! Mother?
DOTTIE
In here, Marie. Right were you left me. Did you think I'd eloped?
CARRIE (comes in from kitchen)
Here's your beer and goodies.
MARIE (enters, with carton of things)
Carrie? Would you take this out to the laundry room?
CARRIE ( Puts down the tray with beer and crackers, takes carton)
What is it?
MARIE
Just take it there.
CARRIE (shrugs)
OK.
LUELLA
Hi Marie.
MARIE
Did you get lost?
LUELLA
Naw. I took the bus up to the station and the town bus on out
and walked from the highway.
MARIE
Next time you come I should be able to drive you.
LUELLA
You don't need to do that. I figure Dottie'll be coming home any
time now. She looks real good.
MARIE
You should have seen her when we brought her from the hospital!
DOTTIE
First look in the mirror I had to sit down and take a rest. Bruises?
I looked like something tie-dyed.
LUELLA
She's looking fine now. Better'n the last time I seen her.
MARIE
We've been trying to take good care of her.
LUELLA
When can I tell the gang to expect her back?
MARIE (from her carryall)
That's up to the doctor, I'm afraid. Mother, I picked you up a
couple of blouses in town. Want to look at them?
DOTTIE
You don't have to do that, Marie. I got blouses.
MARIE
There's a blue one with ruffles, and one with leaves and little
pink flowers. There!
(MARIE holds up the blouse.)
Won't that look nice with your new green slacks?
DOTTIE
That's real sweet, Marie. But you don't have to go spending money
on me.
MARIE
You know Fred likes his women to look nice.
DOTTIE
I just sit around the house.
MARIE
You don't have to sit around. I've offered to drive you in to
the Golden Agers.
DOTTIE
Those people are senile! I may not be much, but all the beans
God gave me are still in my pod.
MARIE
Mrs. Weston is as alert and active as a woman half her age. A
lot of those women are.They've had educations...
DOTTIE
They don't like me.
LUELLA
Why wouldn't they like you, Dot?
DOTTIE
They're Methodists. No drinking, no dancing, watch your language.
I don't feel right at that church.I keep looking for the confession
box.
MARIE
Once you've made some friends you'll feel right at home.
LUELLA
Good as the bar. You ought to get out, Dorothy.
DOTTIE
Which of them old prunes is gonna be friends with a frump like
me? It's no use, Marie. If your Dad couldn't polish me up in my
prime, it's too late now.
MARIE
You can act like a lady when you want to. How about trying on
one of these blouses for me?
(DOTTIE takes the blouse from MARIE and holds it up to herself,
doubtfully. She appeals to LUELLA silently: Look what they're
trying to do to me!)
LUELLA
The blue'd look good with your hair. Had it rinsed again, didn't
you?I always thought it looked better that way. Listen, Dottie,
when you get back to the city we're going to throw one terrific
party. Me and Jerry and Sue, we got it all planned. Sue's gonna
get you a couple of them day-old cakes from the bakery where she
works.And Benny says he'll keep the bar open an hour after closing
so's we can have the place to ourselves.
DOTTIE
Jerry's been talking about me?
LUELLA
Sure. He misses you. We all do.
MARIE
Aren't you going to model your blouse?
DOTTIE
(DOTTIE starts toward the bathroomwith her new blouse, smiling.)
Sure, Marie. I'll put it on now. Jerry talks about me, huh?
LUELLA(takes a good swig)
He sure does. Course, he's still patting every fanny in sight.
DOTTIE
The old goat. (they laugh together. LUELLA chokes)
MARIE
Didn't anybody offer you a glass?
LUELLA
Never mind. The bottle's fine with me! (lowering her voice) How
bad is she?
MARIE
It's hard to tell. The doctor says she could have these blackouts
without any warning. She just loses consciousness for anything
from a second to a couple of hours. Somebody's got to be with
her,all the time: she might fall down and hurt herself again.
I wouldn't have left her today - but I got an emergency call -
and I knew you'd be coming.
LUELLA
She'll get better, won't she?
MARIE
We hope so. But she may get worse. The doctor suspects she's had
more of these "episodes" than she lets on...
LUELLA
Dottie and me, we always said we'd get a place together some day.
Keep each other company growing old.
MARIE
I know she'd like that. Fred and I had thought if she got better
maybe we could hire somebody to check in on her...
LUELLA
I don't know if I could stand to be tied to an invalid. I got
to work, I got my own life.
MARIE
That's true, you--
(seeing DOTTIE at the door)
Don't you look nice in that! Doesn't she, Luella?
DOTTIE (singing)
"A pretty girl is like a melody..."
LUELLA
You got good taste, Marie.
DOTTIE
Maybe that's why I feel funny in it. It's real pretty, Marie,
and I appreciate the effort. But I feel better in my own things.
I like things real bright, you know?Cheerful?
MARIE
Florida clothes.
DOTTIE
Right.I felt to home there, everybody dressing loud.I wish you'd
told me you was going in to town today. I'd 've asked you to stop
by my place and pick up my favorite top - the one with the sunbursts?
MARIE
I couldn't, I--
LUELLA
That blouse is a party, all by itself.
DOTTIE
I think if I had it here, I'd feel 100% better. Maybe you could
stop by for it when you take Luella home?
MARIE
I was hoping she'd stay over, and Fred could drop her on his way
in to work in the morning.
LUELLA
I don't sleep good on a strange bed.
DOTTIE
Why can't you drive her?
MARIE
I don't want to leave you.
DOTTIE
Carrie'll be here.
MARIE
If anything should happen--
DOTTIE
For cripes sake, Marie, she can call a hearse!Carrie'll be fine.
If you can't ever get out of the house, what kind of a life is
that?
MARIE
We'll see. I'd better take a look at supper. I hope Carrie didn't
forget it. (MARIE exits to the kitchen.)
DOTTIE
Ain't that a bitch? All them years I took care of Ted, tied his
shoes and wiped his ass, I swore I'd never be a burden.
LUELLA
Think of it as taking turns. You did for Marie when she was a
kid, didn't you? (DOTTIE looks doubtfull)
(Pause.)
I don't know about sleeping over. When I stay at my daughter's
it takes me a week to catch up.
DOTTIE
You get along with your daughter's husband?
LUELLA
Bob? Oh, he puts up with me. Now her first husband, he was a real
good time Charley.That was his name, Charley. We had some swell
laughs together. Still, I guess this Bob fella's better for her
and the kids.
DOTTIE
I met him.
LUELLA
Sure you did.
DOTTIE
Two, three times. Don't remember him, though.
LUELLA
He's that kind of guy.
DOTTIE
I remember Charley.
LUELLA
You probably just heard me talking. What'd he look like?
DOTTIE
Bald fella. Tried to comb it across the front, you know? Face
like a ten year old kid, and bald.
LUELLA
That's Charley, all right. You musta known him.
DOTTIE
Sure.
LUELLA
The no-good good-time boy.
DOTTIE
What can you do? Men and boys, that's all there is. You've got
to marry something.
LUELLA
This Fred don't seem to me to be a barrel of laughs.
DOTTIE
You can't have everything. Look around. He's good to Marie, he's
a good provider.
LUELLA
He's out on business a lot?
DOTTIE
He entertains.According to Marie, she never used to know how many
he'd bring home for dinner, and everything had to be just right.
He don't bring guys home now - he don't even COME home. The one
time he did, they looked at me like I was from outer space.
LUELLA
I never know what to say to my own daughter. When her friends
are around, I just clam up.
DOTTIE
I wish I had. I drank too much, told some blue jokes. So now old
Fred's keeping his distance.
(Pause.)
Marie should wise up. Let me go home - or send me to one of them
dust bins. Senile Acres, Tombstone Alley.
LUELLA
Jesus, Dottie, you got to stop thinking like that. You're entitled
to live, too.
DOTTIE
Not when you're old.
LUELLA
You're only ten years older than me.
DOTTIE
Nine.
LUELLA
You won't get me in one of them places, Dorothy Potter - not even
to visit you!
DOTTIE
So what? I didn't notice you busted your hump to get out here!
LUELLA
I had to work.
DOTTIE
There's decent homes, Luella. They cost an arm and a leg, though.
More'n I'm worth.
MARIE (entering)
I found some stuffed celery, left from Monday Lunch Club.
LUELLA
No thanks. Can't chew em.
MARIE
I hope you like my casserole. I like to think I'm a pretty good
cook, considering that before I got married I'd never even seen
a cookbook.
DOTTIE
I showed you a can opener, didn't I?
MARIE
I prefer to make things from scratch, use natural ingredients...
course you can go to extremes. Mother Watts canned her garden
every year. When she died, we must have thrown out a thousand
jars, all labeled with the year, but so brown inside you couldn't
tell what they'd been...
DOTTIE
Glass jars. Never had em around. Used plastic plates, too, so's
if Ted and me got to throwing things, they'd just bounce.
(DOTTIE, juggling her beer and cracker, makes an expansive gesture,
spilling her beer.Lurching to catch it ,she drops her cracker,
too - face down, of course.)
Oops!
MARIE
Oh, mother. Your new blouse! Get a sponge for the rug, Carrie.
(to DOTTIE) You'd better change.
DOTTIE
Can't you just give it a wipe?
MARIE (cleaning up the cracker)
Oh, mother.
DOTTIE
We do better when we're not under the same roof. With me here,
Marie's place is starting to look like mine.
LUELLA
If it's something physical--
DOTTIE
Luella! You know I've always been a mess. Dropping things, forgetting
things, tripping over my own feet - it drove Ted crazy. Don't
you worry though, Luella. You never minded the way I kept my place,
did ya?
LUELLA
Naw. Neither of us has got anything worth dusting.
DOTTIE
All you hafta do to move in's empty out a couple drawers.
CARRIE (entering with sponges)
Mom? This sponge smells funny.
DOTTIE
It's just beer. We had a little accident earlier.
MARIE (taking sponge)
Give me that, Carrie. Why don't you take your books to your room?
Have you done your homework?
CARRIE
Most of it. I was hoping to get some help from Gram.
DOTTIE
Me? I only got to eighth grade.
CARRIE
I've got this assignment called "Life Choices." The
teacher suggested that I talk to people like you...
DOTTIE
You mean failures?
CARRIE
How did you fail? I mean, did you start out with some kind of
plan?
(During this conversation, MARIE is
working on her rug, working away at
the new spill and at the earlier one.)
DOTTIE
To tell you the truth, honey, I kinda went from day to day. Can't
say I ever had a plan. Did you, Luella?
LUELLA
Well, I--
DOTTIE
(To MARIE, who is headed for the
kitchen)
On one of your trips could you get me a refill? I promise to take
better care of the next one.
LUELLA
I guess the only plan I ever had was to get off the farm. I used
to watch my mother - up at dawn, out with the hands.She never
even got in to town - if you could call that bump on the road
a town. I swore that I'd get somewheres big, and I did.
DOTTIE
The bright lights.
LUELLA
It makes you wonder, though. Momma used to sing around the place.
And she told me when she was dying that she'd always been happy!
Can you beat that? All that time I was sorry for her, and she
thought she was happy.
(CARRIE has gone to get her
notebook, and is jotting
something down.)
DOTTIE
You gonna take this stuff down? What kind o' homework is that?
CARRIE
It's for a course. We're supposed to investigate jobs, lifestyles.
Everybody had to take an aptitude test and list ten accomplishments.
I have to collect what other people say - and my family's history--
LUELLA
What's all this stuff for?
CARRIE
So I can make choices about my life. I'll be a senior next year,
and if I'm going to go to college--
MARIE
Of course you'll go to college!
LUELLA
That's where the money is.
CARRIE
I'm not sure--
MARIE
You can't have a decent life without it.
LUELLA
That's what they have for a course at this school? Telling you
how to run your life? When I was a kid we had that in religion
class.
DOTTIE
What's this accomplishment business?CARRIE
I've got to put down ten things I'm proud of. It's hard.
DOTTIE
Hell, yes! Who's got ten things to be proud of? The president?
LUELLA
Him? Shame on him!
CARRIE
So far I've written about the tapestry I made, and the time I
raised hamsters.
DOTTIE
Hamsters! You can't make a living off that. Minks, maybe.
MAARIE
What about getting your lifesaver's?
LUELLA
How many girls can be lifesavers?
CARRIE
That's not the point. If you can figure out the kind of thing
you're proud of doing, then you'll know what kind of -
satisfactions - you should look for in a job or whatever. You
know, whether it's helping people, or building things,-
MARIE
You can plan to live in a way that amounts to something.
DOTTIE
You know, I can't think of one goddamn thing I've accomplished.
CARRIE
You raised Mother.
DOTTIE
Like hell. You ask Marie's opinion about that. But I might have,
if her Dad'd let me.
LUELLA
You was a good poker player.
DOTTIE
Was! Still am. You don't need to worry none about me, Luella.
I can remember my cards.
LUELLA
You write that down, Carrie. Your Grandma's one hell of a cardplayer.
MARIE
I don't see that that's anything to be proud of.
CARRIE
Why not? It's as good as some of the stuff I've got down. Playing
the flute - how's that so different from playing cards?
MARIE
Music's an art.
CARRIE
Not the way I play it.
LUELLA
Then why put it down?
CARRIE
For me, playing at all's an accomplishment. We used to think I
was tone deaf, besides all thumbs.
DOTTIE
You inherited my two left feet.
LUELLA
Except for out on a dance floor. There you're the cat's meow.
DOTTIE
I do OK.
LUELLA
She won a contest.
CARRIE
You did?
DOTTIE
That was damn near fifty years ago.
LUELLA
You won it!
DOTTIE
Half a century.
LUELLA
Didn't she tell you about that?
CARRIE
No.
LUELLA
Come on Dottie, I thought you'd told everybody.
DOTTIE
Just all the men.
MARIE
Was that with my father?
DOTTIE
Down to the Riverview Ballroom. Your Foxy Grampa was one swell
dancer in his day. That was the worst of him getting crippled,
all that fun we had together was gone.Jeez Carrie, you should
have seen us cut a rug!
LUELLA
Not like today, where you kids just get out there and shake yourselves.
DOTTIE
You had to know the steps. We still know 'em, don't we Luella?
LUELLA
Dottie's got a feel for it, Carrie. You ought to see her, down
at the bar. Old Jerry, he loves to squire the ladies.
DOTTIE
You got to have the man. He leads, and you follow.
LUELLA
We girls have to take turns. I mean, how many old guys you know
that like to dance?
DOTTIE
Jerry can. Not like Ted when he was young, but he knows how. It's
a swell feeling - you can shut your eyes and glide along; you
know what way the fella's gonna go next. You don't have to guess.
It's like the brains was in the music.
CARRIE
I'm not much good at it.
DOTTIE
Marie neither.We sent her to dancing school.
MARIE
For one year.
DOTTIE
It didn't take.
MARIE
There wasn't any money.
DOTTIE
Now Marie, if it'd looked like you was gonna be a prima donna,
we could've come up with a scholarship.
MARIE
You could have what?
DOTTIE
If you'd showed promise.
MARIE
Oh, mother!
(MARIE exits - probably to the
laundry room, where she can
throw clothes around.)
DOTTIE (to CARRIE)
Don't you ever go dancing with your boyfriends?
CARRIE
I don't have boyfriends.
LUELLA
Come on.
DOTTIE
She don't.
LUELLA
What grade's she in?
CARRIE
Eleventh.
LUELLA
They oughta be hanging around by now.
DOTTIE
Carrie makes these lists of what she's got to do. If she don't
schedule it, she don't have time for 'em.
LUELLA
Mother Mary!
DOTTIE
When I was her age I couldn't look at a book for thinking about
the boys. Had to drop out to give 'em my full-time attention.
LUELLA
You ain't changed much.
DOTTIE
Well, I'm gonna have to. Where'm I going to get me a man around
here?I been here three weeks: only man I've seen is Fred. He don't
even like me. I ain't his type.
LUELLA
Jesus.You know why these fellas move out here to the sticks?So's
their wives won't see any men. Miles around,
nothing but wives and kids.
DOTTIE
They ain't even got milkmen any more.
LUELLA
It's out there if you know where to go to look.
DOTTIE
More'n we got. But they sure don't deliver it.
LUELLA
Still, now's the time to be young. Coasting along. All them "Life
Choices." (Pause.)
When I was a girl we had to scramble just to stay alive.
DOTTIE
You maybe - you're younger. I started out OK. Hell, I could of
been a flapper if I hadn't been so dumb. You head of Dumb Dora?
That's me. The one and original Dumb Dora. Dorothy Dumb. Biggest
thing I ever did was just to get people to call me Dottie.
CARRIE
But doesn't Dottie mean...?
DOTTIE
Crazy? - Sure, but it's better than dumb. Honey, would you see
if you can find us a couple more beers?
(CARRIE exits.)
LUELLA
Who called you Dora?
DOTTIE
Everybody, kiddo.
LUELLA
Not me.
DOTTIE
You didn't know me when I was dumb.
LUELLA
Hell I didn't.
DOTTIE
Not that dumb.Round about the Second World War I wised up.
(CARRIE enters with the beers.)
Here's the beer.
LUELLA
I'll drink to that.
DOTTIE
To Dumb Dora. Dead and gone.
CARRIE
What were you so dumb about?
DOTTIE
Everything. School, jobs, the fellas.
LUELLA
There's nothing so important for a girl as learning to handle
the fellas.
DOTTIE
It'd be different if you had a brother. Marie, she had a rough
time, too. You think of that when you have your own kids. Girls
need brothers. A girl who don't know any boys gets some real funny
ideas about them.
CARRIE
I don't know if I want to have children.
LUELLA
You'll have 'em. Whether you want 'em or not.
DOTTIE
I don't know, Luella. Girls don't have to get caught these days,
like we was.Maybe she won't have kids. Look at Marie and me. One
apiece, that's all. It's kinda sad, to think of it all coming
down to nothin. After Ted was hurt, I had to work and take care
of him too. I never had time to enjoy Marie - it was hard times,
I'm tellin you. And then when Carolyn's growing up, I'm off in
Florida for Ted's health. Well, even if Carrie did have kids,
I probably won't be around to see 'em.
LUELLA
For Cripe's sake, Dorothy, I had six. And there ain't one of 'em
wants me!
DOTTIE
You travel. You visit.
LUELLA
Yeah. They sure are glad to see me. Almost as glad as they are
to see me go.I bet they break out the booze then!
DOTTIE
One thing you can say for getting married. You got somebody to
talk to.
CARRIE
But do they listen?
DOTTIE
You got a point there, honey.
LUELLA
You get married, you can't have any of them fancy "life plans".
You'll follow him and the kids around, picking up the mess.
CARRIE
That's what I'm afraid of.
DOTTIE
It's nothin to be afraid of, honey. You get out and meet some
boys. They don't bite.
LUELLA
Some of 'em do. You remember that guy, Bessy bent down to give
him his drink, and he bit her in the tit!
(MARIE has come to the door. She
stands and watches DOTTIE and
LUELLA laugh, disapproval on her
face.)
DOTTIE
Jeez, Luella! The bar ain't really that bad, Carrie, honey. You
ought to come down with us some time, have us introduce
you to the fellas.
LUELLA
They're pretty decrepit to look at, but they all got the standard
equipment.
CARRIE
I'd like to see Bennie's place, Gram - if you'd take me there.
DOTTIE
Sure, honey. There's young guys come in too, sometimes.
LUELLA
If you don't mind 'em a little hairy.
DOTTIE
A little hairy, a little Tom, a little dick--
CARRIE
Maybe we could go next week. Mom could drive us.
MARIE
No, Carrie.
CARRIE
Well, maybe Dad--
MARIE
Your father is not going to let you go in that pesthole - let
alone drive you to it!
DOTTIE
Oh come on, Marie - we'd be there to keep an eye on her.
MARIE
I don't want Carrie in there!
LUELLA
What're you trying to raise, a nun?
MARIE
I am trying to raise a daughter who has a sense of values!
DOTTIE
Meaning I didn't? For cripes sake, Marie, you can afford to loosen
up on her a little. Last week you wouldn't let her go to that
party--
MARIE
Because I knew the Johnsons were out of town.
CARRIE
Nothing happened at that party, Mom.
DOTTIE
She's a big girl, Marie.
MARIE
Maybe I am a little strict. Maybe I bend over backwards because
I don't know how far I ought to go. Maybe I could do a better
job of being a mother if I'd HAD one!
LUELLA
Is that fair, Marie? Your Mom had to work.
MARIE
She didn't have to hang around in bars!
DOTTIE
I met your Dad in a bar.
MARIE
I don't want to talk about it.
DOTTIE
He'd had a few under his belt, too.
MARRIE
I can believe that - it explains how he could get involved with
you!
CARRIE
Mother!
DOTTIE
He liked me well enough to marry me!
MARIE
Because he had to! Because he knocked you up and he was enough
of a gentleman to stick by you!
DOTTIE
Wait a minute - who stuck by who? Suppose he'd married some high-class
dame? Would she have hung around to look after a cripple? Worked
her ass off, put up with the crap he used to dish out? Besides,
you're a fine one to talk. Didn't you and Fred walk the back way
to the altar?
MARIE
We did not! We were married twenty-two months when Carrie was
born!
DOTTIE
Are you sure?
MARIE
February of 1958 - twenty-two months! Though I don't suppose you
remember when your only grandchild was born. Is that why you've
never bothered to send her a birthday card?
DOTTIE
When was you married?
MARIE
For God's sake, mother! In 1956!
DOTTIE
But your Uncle Bill and Aunt May think--
MARIE
I know what they think! Do you know why they have trouble with
the arithmetic?
DOTTIE
No, I--
MARIE
Because I wasn't married in church. Can you guess why we did that,
even though it set tongues to wagging?
DOTTIE
Your Dad and I couldn't afford--
MARIE
No, it wasn't because my parents didn't have two nickels to rub
together--though you didn't. Fred and I were both working. We
could have taken some of our savings to get off to a good start.
But I didn't dare to! Who wants to take a chance on a wedding
and a reception, and have the mother of the bride turn it into
a drunken brawl?
DOTTIE
I wouldn't have done that to you, Marie.
MARIE
Not on purpose. You just have no idea of what society expects,
of
the way decent people - oh Carrie, I'm sorry.
CARRIE
Mom--
MARIE
I'd hoped you'd never have to see a scene like this. When I saw
her trying to fill your head with that trash--
LUELLA
Maybe we did get a little salty--
CARRRIE
But I want to hear it! What you were like, and Grandpa Ted--
DOTTIE
You want to hear about the time they locked me out? That holy
mother of yours? I got home from work late one night, and sweet
little Marie and her Dad had fixed it up to lock me out of my
own house, where it was my slave wages was paying the rent. I'm
banging, pounding, trying to bust the door down, thinking they
might be dead in there, and they never said a word. Ted and her
just sat there while I yelled like to bust my gut. I finally crawled
ass over belly through a window, and there they were, sipping
tea cool as you please.
CARRIE
Did you do that?
MARIE
Yes.
CARRIE
But why?
MARIE
I don't remember.
DOTTIE
Because I stopped for a beer, that's why! Because I stopped for
a crummy beer! I work all day in a hot laundry, the sweat rolling
off me, and I can't even stop in after for a cold one. The worse
Ted's leg pained him, the more it hurt him to think I might be
having a little fun. He'd get Marie in on it, cook up something
between them.
LUELLA
That's how it is with the girls: they're always in with their
Pa.
DOTTIE
When I'm home and trying to cook, it's worse. It's a regular comedy
team, it's the galloping gourmet.Then I'm Dutch, old Dora Dutch.
Ted says it's a good thing Dora Dutch can boil water, 'cause that's
all that stands between us and starvation: boiled water, boiled
noodles, boiled hotdogs, boiled potatoes, boiled cabbage. I was
boiling, that's what: me, old Dumb Dora Dutch. You know what was
standing? With him and his princess? What was standing between
them and starvation was my crummy wages!
CARRIE
Was that during the depression?
DOTTIE
My whole married life was the depression! You really want to hear
about it? Sure, honey, that was the depression. And I knew people
did starve. Oh, when they died they called it pneumonia and that,
but it should of read poverty on the certificate. And we didn't
think about "life choices" or "career planning"
- we took what we could get.
LUELLA
And the clothes we wore! It makes me laugh to look at the pictures.
CARRIE
Did you wear corsets like Grandma Watts?
DOTTIE
Naw, I wore step-ins. Like I told you, I was the last of the red
hot flappers.
CARRIE
I don't see how they could move, in those corsets.
DOTTIE
They couldn't, kiddo: that's why I wore step-ins.
CARRIE
What about bras?
DOTTIE
Didn't have 'em. See? You kids ain't as up to date as you think.
LUELLA
I remember when bras came in.
DOTTIE
About the time you blossomed out.
LUELLA
Next it was the uplift.
DOTTIE
First to be a flapper you had to be flat, and then the sweater
girls were supposed to stick out, the further the better.
LUELLA
Pretty tough, using the same set of tits.
DOTTIE
I never really thought they liked 'em flat, did you Luella?
LUELLA
Some liked 'em thin, though.
DOTTIE
Not Ted. He used to--
(MARIE has been trying to decide
whether to break this up.)
MARIE
Carrie? I forgot about the casserole.Would you go out and take
a look at it?
CARRIE
Sure, Mom.
MARIE
Mother, I wish you would be careful about what you say in front
of Carrie.
DOTTIE
I don't hurt her, Marie. She's nearly grown.
MARIE
I'm glad that you're trying to establish some sort of a relationship.
DOTTIE
After all those years.
MARIE
Years when you could have written. Or sent her a card, or a pair
of mittens for Christmas.
DOTTIE
Jeez, Marie, there was times I didn't have a nickel for a stamp.
MARIE
You had money for poker. Do you think it's fair--
CARRIE
(enters, holding a charred casserole dish)
Mom...
MARIE (brushing her off)
Dinner, Carrie. See about dinner.
CARRIE
I did, Mom. This is it. It's burnt to a crisp.
LUELLA
Will you look at that.Creamed cinders!
MARIE
Oh-oh-shit!
DOTTIE
Aw, to hell with the a la king. Let's have the old lady special.
Open up some Campbell's and break out the old white bread.
MARIE
I'm sorry, Luella.
LUELLA
Don't you worry about dinner, Marie. You just keep bringing in
the beer.
MARIE
I'll go see if I can find something to heat up.
(MARIE exits to the kitchen.)
(CARRIE starts to follow MARIE, but
changes her mind and sets the
casserole on the table.)
LUELLA (looking at the dish)
Ain't that something? You better go on out to the kitchen with
it, Carrie. I don't think your Mom wants you to associate with
a low-life like me.
DOTTIE
Don't take it personal, Luella. You know what Marie did before
she maried Fred? She was a waitess - just like you. And if Fred
was to dump her, she'd have to go back to slinging hash. Or hire
out as a housekeeper. What else could she do?
CARRIE
I thought she went to college?
DOTTIE
She tried it. But she just couldn't swing that and a job too.
I remember her trying to study late nights, after she got off
work. She used to cry sometimes - all the noise, and no place
to spread out the books--
CARRIE
That sounds awful.
DOTTIE
She wants a better life for you, honey.
CARRIE
Sometimes I don't think she wants me to have any life at all!
She's afraid, she's more afraid than I am.
LUELLA
You got everything ahead of ya, all them chances...
CARRIE
My stomach gets all in knots - careers, marriage, going out with
boys, dancing, it all scares me. Everybody's looking.
DOTTIE
Let 'em look!
CARRIE
But what if I do it wrong--
DOTTIE
Who cares? Honey, the steps aren't hard. What you need to practice
is the right attitude.
(sings)
"Who cares - if the sky/ Cares to fall in the sea--"
LUELLA (sings)
"I don't care, I don't care--"
(They laugh together.)
But you want to wear a twirly skirt, so's you can move like you
was floating around.
DOTTIE
You go out and get the prettiest thing you can find, 'cause you
feel special.
CARRIE
Did you and Grandad used to do the Charleston?
DOTTIE
Naw. The Charlestown was out by the time I met Ted. But I
know how to do it. Let's see--
(DOTTIE gets up and tries to demonstrate, using her walker.)
CARRIE
You can't do it in that, can you?
DOTTIE
Now watch my feet. This is the basic step--
CARRIE
Like this?
DOTTIE
Not quite. You got to shift your weight. I can't - you show her,
Luella. (sings)
"Chaleston, Charleston, dum dum de dum dum dum"
(LUELLA does a step that involves
licking her fingers and polishing
her fanny.)
No, Luella you got it all wrong! That's the black bottom!
LUELLA
"Poop-poop-e-do-do"
DOTTIE
Get your feet out more - it's almost a kick, there. That's it.
Dum dum, dum dum--(DOTTIE crashes to the floor, knocking over
dishes, bottles, glasses, a lamp.)
MARIE (comes running)
Mother!
LUELLA
Jesus, Dottie!
CARRIE
Gram?
MARIE
She's had a blackout.
CARRIE
I never thought.--
MARIE
It's not your fault, Carrie. Mother?
DOTTIE
(sitting up and looking around)
Jeez, what a mess.
MARIE
Are you hurt?
DOTTIE
I don't think so. The worst damage is to the rug.
LUELLA
You scared us to death. I like to had a heart attack.
MARIE
Can you get up? To a chair?
DOTTIE
Sure. Sorry about the mess.
MARIE
I can clean it up. Mother, why can't you use common sense?
DOTTIE
I don't know, I - I guess I could drink a little of that soup.
(CARRIE and MARIE pass the soup cups around, and then begin cleaning
up.)
MARIE
Look at Carrie! She thinks it's her fault. I wish you would think
about other people once in a while, before you go off on one of
your crazy--
DOTTIE
It's got nothing to do with you, Carrie. It happens all the time.
I could be standing up to turn the television, and bang! there
I am on the floor.
CARRIE
I was so scared.
MARIE
What am I going to do?
DOTTIE
You got to get rid of me, Marie. I got to go back to my own place.
MARIE
You can't go back.
DOTTIE
I don't care what the doctor says. I'll be OK once I get home.
Luella's gonna move in with me. We can--
MARIE
You can't go back there. You don't have a place to go back to.
DOTTIE
What do you mean?
MARIE
It's gone, moher. Your apartment's gone.
DOTTIE
You let it go?I had enough for the rent--
MARIE
They broke in to get your TV, and then the neighborhood kids ransacked
the place. The landlord called me this morning.
DOTTIE
That's where you went in town?
MARIE
I brought back whatever I thought you'd want to save. Pictures--
DOTTIE
My sunburst blouse?
MARIE
That was gone.I found your kewpie doll, though. If we wash it--
DOTTIE
Why didn't you tell me?
MARIE
I didn't want to spoil your visit.
DOTTIE
But Luella and me, we should be making plans! We can get another
place. It'd cost you and Fred less to kick in some than--
LUELLA(deciding)
Dottie - it won't work out.
DOTTIE
Sure it will, Luella. There's the Bridgeway Towers--
LUELLA
That's where I'm gonna go, Dottie. Sue's got a chance to move
in one of them apartments if she's got a room mate, and I'm gonna
go in with her.
DOTTIE
That's not what you told me.
LUELLA
I had to decide. I'm sorry, Dottie. I can't take care of you.
I could hardly force myself to see my own Mamma in the hospital,
before she died.
DOTTIE
Jeez, Luella.
LUELLA
This place ain't so bad, Dot.
DOTTIE
Yeah.
LUELLA
I couldn't've moved into that neighborhood. What if we'd been
there? They might of killed us!
DOTTIE
I guess they could.
LUELLA
You're lucky you got out.
DOTTIE (to MARIE)
Did you save my open toed shoes?
MARIE
No.
DOTTIE
The swizzle sticks?
MARIE
Some of them. Do you want to see what I salvaged? I can get it
out of the laundry room.
DOTTIE
Yeah. Bring it in. (MARIE exits.) Cleaned out again, huh? Cheer
up Carrie. Like Luella says, it ain't the end of the world. It
ain't even the first time, neither. Oncet in the depression me
and Ted got so behind in the rent, we had to skip out with just
what would fit in my purse.
LUELLA
Easy come, easy go.
DOTTIE
You can't be a poker player, and cry when they clean you out.
LUELLA
Your turn'll come.
DOTTIE
The way you play, it don't come too often!
LUELLA
I get nervous.
DOTTIE
At the sight of the big pots. The pots we had them days! Some
of 'em was a week's wages.
(MARIE is at the door with the
carton. of "things".)
Well, Marie, what you got there?
(MARIE sets the carton down by
DOTTIE's chair. DOTTIE looks
at it.)
Junk, nothing but junk.
MARIE
There's your photo album.
DOTTIE
Yeah. Here's somethin Carrie. You ever seen this? Your Mom in
diapers. (CARRIE looks.)
And here's our poker gang. Look who's got the chips!
CARRIE
Did you play a lot?
DOTTIE
Twice a week. From the depression, up through the end of the war.
It sure took your mind off.
MARIE
You took your mind off being broke, by losing what little you
had?
DOTTIE
But you could win! How else is a working stiff supposed to win?
You know what's the matter with you, Marie? You're too tight.
You got the poker face, but you don't know what money's for.
MARIE
To feed my family. To give them a decent life, civilized surroundings.
DOTTIE
Depression, war - who's got a decent life? We did all right for
groceries.
MARIE
Don't try to tell that to me, mother, because I know. From the
time I could crawl. You'd be screaming, Dad'd be screaming - because
you lost the money we needed to use to eat. Your daughter went
hungry because you played poker.
DOTTIE
Because of me! What about your Dad!
MARIE
That's not what I remember.
DOTTIE
He lost at least as much as me - and it was my money!
MARIE
I don't believe that.
DOTTIE
Why? Because he's smart and I'm Dumb Dora? Because he could sit
at home all day and read the books, and the Reader's Digest Word
Power? That don't make him a card player. I used to win, Marie.
When you got a new doll,or the radio, that was 'cause I was the
one to win.
MARIE
It wasn't Daddy?
DOTTIE
Ask Luella! She played cards with us.Who won the most:Ted or me?
LUELLA
You did. It was a big joke, how Dottie had the dumb luck.
DOTTIE
We was just little people, never owned a thing, but Jeeze what
a kick we got when we raked in one of them big pots.
Smart! Never felt so smart.
MARIE
But what about when you lost? How could you call yourself a mother
and take the chance that you'd lose?
DOTTIE
You got to gamble, you got to have Saturday night. Being careful,
growing old - what kind of a life is that? Besides, we was a gang!Oh,
we felt like the last of the red hots, sure - but the same four
couples was pushing it back and forth - just like your Dad and
me going back and forth over my clothes, or what to listen on
the radio....
MARIE
All those fights!
DOTTIE
Everybody fights. It's a little excitement.
MARIE
I don't fight! Fred and I don't! You did all that screaming for
nothing, as some kind of game? You both understood all the time
that the money wasn't real?
DOTTIE
Money's pieces of paper, Marie, just pieces of paper. Same as
a wedding certificate. Your Dad was like to burst, he had so much
energy, cooped up in that little room. And curious - he'd wanted
to see the whole world 'stead of going off to college like his
brothers did. But he had to sit with you in that flat, while I
was bringing in the paycheck. He couldn't even live alone - he
needed me to shine his shoes, he needed me to shave him, when
he sat down to shit, he needed me to hoist him up off the can.
So we yelled at each other - what can I tell you? That's how we
lived..
LUELLA
Sometimes you got no choice.
(DOTTIE rummages through the box. She finds her big battered ballroom
trophy.)
DOTTIE
You did get my trophy!I guess they could see it ain't silver.
Riverview Ballroom: 1932.
CARRIE
Can I see it?
DOTTIE
Sure, honey. It ain't worth anything, you know.
(MARIE has picked up a photo album.)
You interested in that album, Marie? You might as well keep it.
Most of this stuff I'll have to throw out when I check into Tombstone
Acres.
CARRIE
I'd like to see it. What's that?
DOTTIE (holds up deck)
It's my lucky card deck. One time I won a hundred and fifty bucks
at black jack, playing with this.
CARRIE
Black jack is a card game?
DOTTIE
A poker game, honey. But it's one of the real simple ones.
LUELLA
Even I can understand it.
DOTTIE
All you have to do is count.
CARRIE
Could you show me?
DOTTIE
Why sure I can, Carrie. Luella, come here and take a hand.
(LUELLA takes a place, and DOTTIE
shuffles the cards.)
Now I deal us each a card, and that's called your hole card.
The next card's face up; and you add them to see what you got.
Face cards are ten,...
LUELLA
Aces are one or eleven.
DOTTIE
Now the odds are - it'd be easier to explain if we had a way to
keep track of the betting.
LUELLA
The science is knowing when to hit.
CARRIE
Could we use matches? Or pennies? Mom, is it OK to get the pennies
out of the penny jar?
MARIE
I'll get them.
CARRIE
We'll put them back, Mom. (MARIE pours the pennies out on the
table.)
Do you know this game, Mom?
MARIE
I've seen it often enough.
LUELLA
You want to take a hand, Marie?
MARIE (penitant)
I guess I'm not too old to learn.
LUELLA
OK Dottie - deal your daughter in.
(DOTTIE deals the cards, and is explaining the game)
DOTTIE
Put out a couple of pennies... that's your bet. You're trying
to beat the house.
CARRIE
What's the house?
DOTTIE
Dealer is - that's me. It oughta be Marie, though.
LUELLA
She's the one in charge of the premises.
DOTTIE
Now, if I've dealt myself more than fifteen, I can't take another
card. But you get to decide whether to take a chance - unless
you gotta ace and a face, then you just holler out--
MARIE (showing her cards)
Blackjack! I've got a blackjack!
LUELLA
There you go Marie - beginner's luck!
CURTAIN
TH END
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