A One Act Play
By G. L. Horton
copyright © 2004
ALLY and BOO are two young teens who have just seen a performance
of Thornton Wilder's "The Skin of Our Teeth" with their school
class. After the play they take their places at the end line outside
the Ladies' restroom at the Off-Broadway style theatre. They move
forward slowly in the (invisible) line during the play.
ALLY: Oooh, sh--! Boo? There's still a line!
BOO: It's not so bad as at the interval. I waited 20 minutes.
ALLY: What if they leave without us?
BOO: They won't.
ALLY: Is it very late?
BOO: Not at all. We'll be back to school by midnight.
ALLY: Where'd you get the M&M's?
BOO: Miss Hickham just gave them back to me. She confiscated
BOO: To save my skinny teeth.
BOO: That's a joke. Teeth aren't skinny. They don't have skin,
either. Teeth with skin doesn't make sense any more than a play
ALLY: But Boo, why'd she take your--?
BOO: She said I'd make noise eating and disturb the actors.
ALLY: Like they care.
BOO: They care. Did you see the look that old guy gave Baja?
ALLY: I thought he was going to come down off the stage and slap
BOO: She deserves it!
ALLY: That was so funny, the way the actors talked at us. I really
BOO: I didn't mind those parts. Where they were sitting with
the audience, or they came out and talked to us.
ALLY: I even liked the silly dinosaur!
BOO: But Ally! The dinosaur was stupid!
ALLY: I know it was stupid, but I liked it. It's cute.
BOO: Not as cute as that young guy with the curly hair.
ALLY: That guy wasn't just cute-- he was hot!
BOO: You know, it could have been him in there. The cute one.
Inside the dinosaur? He played a lot of different parts.
ALLY: Who cares, if he's inside a dinosaur? A dinsosaur is not
cute like a guy is cute-- and a dinosaur is definitly not hot!
BOO: Inside his suit? I bet he's boiling!
ALLY: But not steaming, Boo. Not smoking.
BOO: No way!
ALLY: How long IS this line?
BOO: Do you want me to go tell Miss Hickham you're waiting in
line for the ladies?
ALLY: You said they won't leave!
BOO: They won't.
ALLY: Then stay with me, Boo.
BOO: All right.
ALLY: You really don't have to go?
BOO: Not really. I went at the interval.
ALLY: You missed all the fun with the ice cream.
BOO: I got some.
ALLY: I got 3!
ALLY: Baja told Miss Hickham she's allergic to fudge, and kept
on making a fuss till Hickham went to find her some vanilla. While
she's gone Baja and Mari raid the ice creams and pass around a
whole box full. Baja had to throw hers in her bag when Hickky
came back with vanilla, but the rest of us ate our extras right
under Hickham's nose.
BOO: I thought Baja's allergic--
ALLY: Nobody's allergic to fudge! To milk, or nuts, maybe.
BOO: But Baja said--?
ALLY: Baja'll say anything! Like it's a joke.
BOO: Baja thinks every stupid annoying obnoxious thing she does
is a joke.
ALLY: It was pretty funny, actually. Funnier than the first act,
BOO: But you liked it, didn't you?
ALLY: It was good, yeah.
BOO: I didn't think I would. "Skin of Our Teeth". Like teeth
ALLY: It's just something old people say. Like "cat's pajamas".
BOO: Teeth with skin. Skinny teeth!
ALLY: If you don't stop with those M&Ms your teeth are going
to be the only part of you that is skinny!
BOO: Fine talk, Miss 3 ice creams! Here, take them all.
ALLY: You might as well have eaten them during act one. It was
BOO: Ally, you were applauding like mad when I went up the aisle.
You could't bear to leave. Afraid you might miss something.
ALLY: I would have gone with you if you'd waited.
BOO: Yeah. Right.
ALLY: I was going to call to you to wait--?
BOO: So why didn't you?
ALLY: Stand up when everybody is applauding and yell “Boo! Boo!”?
BOO: Oh my God, is that lame.
ALLY: No, really. Miss Hickham told us that sometimes people
boo this play or walk out of it. It's -- difficult.
ALLY: I didn't want the actors to think I hated them. they were
working so hard.
BOO: While I was waiting in line I did hear a woman say she didn't
ALLY: Me, either! It got better, though, didn't it? (pause) How
can a toilet line take this long? What are they doing in there???
BOO: Just 2 more to go.
ALLY: I don't know if I can hold it.
BOO: Think about somthing else.
ALLY: like what?
BOO: Did you see that girl in the stripey dress in the dance
part? She kicked up her legs and you could see everything.
ALLY: I was watching the cute boy on the right.
BOO: When he wore the straw hat? He was touching himself!
ALLY: Yeah. Like, that whole second act was about pleasure. Especially
BOO: The shock on that little girl's face!
ALLY: That little girl's a lot older than we are.
BOO: You think?
ALLY: 20, maybe. 16, at the very least.
BOO: Well she looked little. She was acting little.
ALLY: How old do you think she was meant to be?
BOO: 10 or 11, maybe. To be so shocked.
ALLY: Well, it was her father, running off.
BOO: Oh my god. Don't turn around, but peek if you can. It's
him! Behind you to the right! The cute one who was wearing the
ALLY: Are you sure?
BOO: Come on. He came out from back stage.
ALLY: Oh, my God!
BOO: Recognize that bum?
ALLY: So he's "that bum", is he?
BOO: Shall we try to get his autograph? Lets!
ALLY: We don't know him.
BOO: He's an actor!
ALLY: But what actor? One of these 4 in the program, he is. Do
we just run up and say, oh Mr. Brennen, or Cookson, or Macgough,
or Whittol? We simply love you can we have your autograph?
BOO: We just say-- you--sir-- Mr. Wonderful! He won't mind. Not
if he's been acting under a dinosaur. When he's signed it, we'll
ALLY: Too late. He's gone.
BOO: You're almost to the head of the line, anyway.
ALLY: About time. I thought I was going to lose it an hour ago,
during the storm scene.
BOO: Could have grabbed one of the Noah's Ark bailing buckets.
ALLY: Pretend to be part of the show?
BOO: An actor hiding in the audience.
ALLY: Who'd notice, with the rain and the thunder?
BOO: Unless you're caught in a flash of lightning!
ALLY: Oh, my--!
BOO: Everybody applauds! As thousands cheer! Piss piss hooray!
ALLY: No don't make me laugh! I don't dare laugh!
BOO: You're next.
ALLY: Thank God.
BOO: Better wash your face, too.
ALLY: What's wrong with my face? Chocolate?
BOO: You've got tear tracks.
ALLY: Have I?
BOO: Right down.
ALLY: It was that last bit.
BOO: I know.
ALLY: End of the world and all. Bravely carrying on. You must
think I'm a whimp.
BOO: I'll run ahead and make sure they hold the bus for you.
ALLY: Tell Miss Hickham not to leave me!
BOO: Ally? It was that good, really. I felt like crying too.
ALLY: Did you? Really?
BOO: Really. I mean, I didn't actually cry, but I felt like it.