A Full Length Play

UNDER SEIGE
a.k.a. CHOICES

By G. L. Horton
copyright © 1990, 1995 Geralyn Horton

UNDER SIEGE aka CHOICES
ACT II

SCENE SEVENTEEN -- TOO LATE

(Chanting protesters. SHERRIE and EMILY, laughing, enter the LOUNGE where others are eating lunch.)

SHERRIE
I thought I'd piss myself! Gather round, kiddies, this is a great one! Em's coming up the walk, she's been getting an ice cream or something, and the assholes think she's a patient! So they start, "Don't kill your baby!" I rush up to Jackie Jerkit, and I say, "Sir, This poor woman has Anthropoporieasis -- if she has a child, she'll die. She was raped by a drug fiend -- !" There's a young one, pushing a stroller, looks kind of sympathetic --

MARTHA
Did she offer to adopt it?

SHERRIE
No. Her view was this is Em's chance to win spiritual brownie points. No pain or guilt, they'd be out of business.

MARTHA
So would we!

EMILY
Still, that woman seemed sincere to me. She thinks of it as a baby, she's willing to be hauled off to jail --

JILL
Willing? They love it. Martyrs for publicity --

SHERRIE
Martyrs! Sure. Or shoot and make us the martyrs. Anything to close us down. And they're winning! State by state! Do you realize? In the whole state of South Dakota, there is one brave doctor left! Take a good look out the window, Emily. The Dark Ages are on the march.

ALLISON
Dammit! Abortion's a constitutional right!

SHERRIE
Not in the 83% of the country with no access.

JILL
The Dark Ages is right, Sherrie. This is what it must have been like for the witches. Passing through the roar of hate and righteousness. Condemned for being women.

SHERRIE
Jackie'd burn us all. Including the ones marching with him, Sweetie. Look at his eyes.

ALLISON
Jackie's a harmless nut.

JILL
Harmless? Like the nut who called Sally's home, and asked her daughter what it felt like to have a mother who's a murderer? Harmless doesn't go around scaring children so bad they have to see a shrink.

MARTHA
The worst threat is to harm your family.

SHERRIE
Jackie said to me, "I know which is your car. I can get to your car any time I like." Dumb me, I thought he meant to slash tires.

JILL
Slash our throats. 270 clinics they've burned down, and if you go by the threats, it's our turn any day now.

EMILY
There've been more threats? Besides when we evacuated?

MARTHA
The administration won't tell you. The only way you know is if you see the bomb squad rustling through the trash.

ALLISON
No, actually, sometimes Sally will tell YOU to go looking through the trash. For a -- package. Or a bag.

EMILY
A package! But every woman who comes in here has a package. Lunch, a change of underwear --

ALLISON
I can't tell you how much fun it is to go through it all. Moldy Danish, used Kotex --

EMILY
How often does this happen?

JILL
As often as those people outside want to make us squirm.

MARTHA
Sally plays it down, and I'm glad. Make a fuss, put it in the paper, the bigots feel encouraged.

EMILY
You think we'll be bombed, some day?

MARTHA
Probably. Unless they decide it's too risky, that threatening the workers personally will close us down quicker than dynamite.

SHERRIE
I just wish they'd tell us. You know, Pan Am was warned about the Lockerbie bomb, but they never told the passengers --

ALLISON
Our patients have enough to worry about. If we evacuate, those lunatics will be on the phone every day.

MARTHA
Emily, if I were you I'd come in the back way wearing a hat for a few days. Till the Lifers have time to forget your face.

ALLISON
I'm surprised they didn't spot you. They usually try to work hard on a new counselor. Get her to quit.

JILL
If you look new, or they can sense a weakness. I suppose that's why they won't let up on me.

EMILY
But you're so strong! You all are. It's funny, you all seem like old friends by now. I don't think of myself as "new" any more: just as less experienced.

MARTHA (fanning herself)
It's the hothouse atmosphere.

JILL
Melting taboos.

SHERRIE (witchy cackle)
Stirring up corruption.

ALLISON (joining the bit)
Listen to the Lifers, and quit, before you turn into us.

MARTHA, ALLISON, JILL, and SHERRIE
(posing in horror-movie attitudes of threat) Get out before it's too late!'

(As they all laugh, SALLY enters)

SCENE EIGHTEEN -- THE RAP GOES ON

SALLY
Front and center, Sherrie. There are six impatient patients in the green room, waiting to be rapped up and delivered.

SHERRIE
Oh, Lord, why me? I can't face it.

SALLY
It's your turn.

SHERRIE
But I did Jill's, before lunch.

SALLY (exits, smiling)
So now you've got to do yours.

SHERRIE
Allison, I'll give you five dollars to do my rap.

ALLISON
I'm scheduled for one in half an hour. I won't do both, but I'll switch with you if you want.

SHERRIE
Forget it, Sweetie. I'll -- (falls back.) I can't! I've crashed.

(ALLISON gets behind and moves SHERRIE's arms, working her like a puppet. SHERRIE lip-syncs as ALLISON does the RAP.)

ALLISON (gets faster and faster)
Now, once you're finished with your counselor, you'll go to a waiting area, where you'll stay till the doctor's ready. Then a medical assistant will take you to the procedure room. Now, the first thing the doctor will do once he has his gloves on is a simple pelvic exam: two fingers in the vagina and then he pushes on your stomach -- (grotesque reaction from SHERRIE) -- to feel the size and position of your uterus. Then the doctor will insert a speculum --

SHERRIE (breaking out)
And don't complain, Sweetie, you've had something bigger than that up there, or you wouldn't be here!

(SHERRIE pulls herself together and with exaggerated bravado, goes to face the RAP)

JILL (to MARTHA)
Couldn't we do this stuff with videotape? Like the stewardess does it on an airplane. Hold up the little oxygen masks, in case blah, blah, blah ... "And then you'll feel some bumping sensations"!

ALLISON
Which some ignorant people might call "pain"!

MARTHA
I served jury duty last year: Even the judge is on tape now, telling you the "procedure"! (starts to exit)

JILL
Why not us? The boredom gets to you after a while, begins to infect your relationship with the individual woman. (exit)

ALLISON (rapid, motormouth mimic)
What about Elise? Fastest mouth in the west. She brags that she can go through the whole rap in fourteen minutes flat, including the B/C demonstration. Does the questions and the answers too, to save time: "you feel pretty good about this, don't you?" Processes thirteen patients a day, not seven, like you mortals. The administration loves her! Aarrgg! (mimes tearing her hair)

EMILY (stops ALLISON's exit)
Allison? Are you all right?

ALLISON
Your line is, "Do you want to talk about it?" (little laugh)

EMILY
Do you? I don't have a clue as to what "it" is.

ALLISON
You mean the "it" that gets to you? Or the "it" that brings a person in to work here?

EMILY
I don't know. If you'd rather not --

ALLISON (leans back against the door)
What I've been asking myself is, is "it" the same? Paul and penance. My ex and my -- You really want to hear this? I met Paul at school. He was charming and witty and going to turn his brilliant dissertation into a book -- but no hurry -- his family was Old Money. When he proposed, my family was in heaven! An apartment in Paris, winters in Spain. Nights, we went to important parties where Paul told malicious witty stories about the important people who weren't there. Days, he pretended to write. Even without his book, he expected one of those important people to give him a job. But they didn't. All that -- power -- and nothing for him to do but be nasty. Even then, I might have stayed married to him. Except I got pregnant. The grandparents had been hinting, and I'd thought it was what I wanted: a boy and a girl. But I suddenly realized: I didn't want his. My parents were appalled. It's been two and a half years, and we barely speak.

(ALLISON exits. Sound of the aspiration machine, and then EMILY's monologue.)

EMILY
Buddhists believe that the transmigrating soul waits in the corridor of heaven, not entering the womb until quickening. Even then, it's only loosely attached to the flesh, not quite reincarnated. My friend Walter had a hypnotist regress him to a past life and he experienced being an embryo inside a girl who had been raped. Sensing her resentment, her hatred. For her it felt like an invasion, or a rape that would never end. He tried to reach her mind, to comfort her. He begged her to send him back, to spare him this cruel turn on the wheel of rebirth. Let him come again, as a child of joy!

In Japan they have shrines where women make offerings to the spirits of the aborted ones. They ask forgiveness and promise a better life at a more propitious time. I often wish that I had been raised a Buddhist, so I could believe like that, in reincarnation. But I don't. Once it's gone, it's gone.

SCENE NINETEEN

CAROLYN (Thirty-five, shy, a bookkeeper)
I'm really embarrassed, because this is my second abortion.

MARTHA
You don't look like the careless type to me.

CAROLYN
I'm superfertile, I guess. I have six brothers and sisters, and my mother was one of eight. My son Allen was born nine months after our wedding. I was still nursing when I got pregnant the second time, run down and catching every germ --

MARTHA (consults chart)
So you thought it best to terminate.

CAROLYN
Two years later I was all right, I was ready. We had Christopher, and then I got an IUD. But when I got an infection and had to have it taken out, with the diaphragm I was pregnant in a month! We went ahead and had Jennifer. But two was all I'd wanted. My own mother -- I suppose she loved me. But she was too tired or too busy to see that I never felt loved.

MARTHA
It's hard, sometimes.

CAROLYN
I hope I've done right with Jennifer. The poor little thing was born with a bad hip joint, and she was so pitiful with the surgery. And the bills --! Bob's so good, he never complains. "Don't worry," he says. But I know he worries.

MARTHA
So you feel you can't afford --

CAROLYN
Not just money -- time. I come home from work so tired, now. And I look at Jennifer and I remember what it feels like to be a little girl who thinks she's a burden. I can't put a new baby on top of that. (fade out)

MARTHA (solo spot)
I have two dreams I keep having. One I'm pregnant, and I don't want to be. I don't know what's happened to the rest of my family, but in the dream, I'm alone, and afraid. The other one, I have a new little baby in my arms, my baby, just born, and I am so happy. So happy. I don't know why I still have either of these dreams. I've had my tubes tied.

SCENE TWENTY -- DATE RAPE
(Left cubicle. TINA is probably of Greek background, 17, wearing a modest pink dress with ruffles)

JILL
I think we ought to talk about birth control now, don't you? You don't want to find yourself back here again.

TINA
I'll never be back.

JILL
The most popular method is the pill. (shows package)

TINA (Averts her eyes)
I don't want them. I won't need anything like that.

JILL (insisting)
Condoms offer the advantage of protection against diseases like AIDS, but sometimes it's hard to persuade your partner.

TINA
Please. I don't have a partner. I don't want to hear about those things.

JILL
You may be feeling bad about sex, and maybe even about yourself. But you are in charge of your own body. You can prevent this.

TINA
Oh, God. I tried. No one will believe me. I never meant this -- I was going to stay a virgin.

JILL
Somebody who really cares for you won't necessarily think less of you because you've had sexual experience --

TINA
I told him no, but he kept on. He tore my dress, he hurt me.

JILL
You're telling me that you were forced? And got pregnant?

TINA
That was the only time. I was frightened, so I let him. But I should have fought. It'll never happen again, believe me.

JILL (to INTERCOM)
Sally, could you come into room 4, please? (to TINA) People have different ideas about what names to call things, but what you describe sounds to me like rape. (SALLY enters) Rape is a serious crime. More than a month afterwards, you can still report it --

TINA
No! I can't do that! You could call it rape. But I can't go to the police, it was my fault too. I went out with him, I was in his car. I let him think I was that kind of girl.

SALLY
But you did say no?

TINA
Yes, I said no! I cried, I begged him. But by then he wouldn't listen. I thought, just a kiss or two, what does it matter? Give him that, he'll be satisfied. But I should have stopped him. Kicked him, jumped out --

JILL
Why? If you said no, wasn't that enough?

TINA
I wasn't strong.

JILL
How strong do you have to be? If he's a good person, a friend of yours, shouldn't he listen?

TINA
I was a fool! But I can't accuse him.

JILL
Suppose he does this again? To some other woman? Don't you think that if you can stop him now --

TINA
You don't understand. He's family!

JILL
You mean incest?

TINA
No, no! He's my cousin's cousin. That's who introduced us. Nick said he was lonely, and depressed because they could send him back if he doesn't find a wife who's a citizen. So I should have been more careful, to save myself for marriage.

JILL
Were you thinking of marriage with this man?

TINA
With him? I would never marry him! I hate him! (stands up) He says if I tell, if my parents find out, they will force me. To be his wife. But before I would do that I would kill him!

SALLY
Could you wait for me outside for a minute, dear?

(TINA exits. JILL sits, shaken)

SCENE TWENTY-ONE -- REALITY PRINCIPLE

SALLY
Jill, count ten. You can't fix the life of every woman who walks in here. It's not our job. Just birth control. When you discover rape trauma, give positive confirmation, give a referral to the rape crisis center, and then let go of it. We have a schedule. Sure, give sympathy. However much you've got to spare. But you have to be awfully arrogant to think that in forty minutes you can solve her problems. Not just you: any of us. My God, look at our lives! Look at mine, and I've been a counselor for years. With three degrees! Now, I know you mean well, but you don't want some poor teenager to go home without her abortion, because you spent her time on another patient you felt was more needy. Count ten. Take a break.

(Spot out.)

SCENE TWENTY-TWO -- ANGER
(In the LOUNGE. SHERRIE is on phone. JILL enters and paces, cursing under her breath and aloud)

SHERRIE (phone)
Mark, we haven't got that kind of money. Your father'd never stand for it. If she's the right kind of girl, she'll understand ... Well, then, tell her to fuck off! ... I'm sorry. This just doesn't seem to me like it ought to be a crisis ... OK, OK, we'll come up with it somehow. But listen, Mark. You've got to promise me that -- (reacts to JILL) Never mind now, Mucky, we'll talk about it later. Love ducks. (hangs up)

JILL (overlaps, on entrance)
Shit, shit, shit! Fucking sonovabitching Shit!!

SHERRIE (to JILL)
Yeah, my sentiments. You got any idea how it feels to be the parent of a fat white grub? Quarter to one I call him, he's still in bed! It's a good thing abortion's not retroactive. (JILL, steaming, doesn't respond) What's the matter, sweetie?

JILL (growls)
Arrgh! What am I supposed to do with my anger?

SHERRIE (points to window)
Direct it against the enemy.

JILL (opens, shouts out)
Dry up, you fucking assholes! Drop dead! I hope your dicks drop off! I hope your balls fall down to your knees and you trip over them! AArrrgghh!

SHERRIE (pulls JILL away, howling)
Sweetie-babe, take it easy.

ALLISON (runs in, shuts window)
What's going on? You'll have Sally in here in a minute.

SHERRIE
Worse. The assholes will have the cops on their side.

JILL
What am I going to do?

ALLISON
Tell us about it.

JILL
That's not good enough! Talk, talk, talk is making me sick!

ALLISON (demonstrates)
OK, work it off. Come on, punch at me. Right here, right into my hands. Punch.

JILL
I don't want to, I'll hurt you. I'm so -- (etc. ad lib.)

ALLISON
It's OK, I'm not made of sugar. Punch!

SHERRIE
Go on. I do it with my son the boxer.

ALLISON
That's it, good. Punch. Say "huh!" Come on, huh!

JILL (punches)
Huh. Huh. Huh! Huh!! Huh!!!

EMILY (enters with MARTHA)
Oh, God, stop. Please stop.

ALLISON (stops, hugs EMILY)
It's OK, Emily. It's OK.

SHERRIE (arm around JILL)
Just helping her blow off steam.

EMILY
You really scared me. If you guys fall apart --

JILL (collapses in chair)
Fall apart. Yeah.

ALLISON
You're all tight. (massages JILL)

JILL
Day after day. There's nothing I can do about it.

MARTHA
Battered patient? Or another death threat?

JILL
Both -- and that's the least of my worries.

EMILY
Would you like a cup of coffee? No, don't move. I'll get it. Let Allison do her magic. No cream?

JILL
Black.

ALLISON
Is it your sister?

JILL
She's gone back to him. I said to her, if you've got no respect for yourself, Joanne, what about your kids? How can you risk their physical safety? To say nothing of what it does to their tender little minds, living with that dickhead. That fucking time bomb. Didn't Joanne learn anything, watching Mom and Dad?

ALLISON
People don't learn. We see it all the time. That doesn't make it easier to understand.

EMILY
I think this calls for the chocolate chips.

SHERRIE
Not for Jill! No sugar. Have an apple, Jill. (gives apple)

JILL
Thanks. (bites) I hate her! My own sister. I don't feel sorry for her any more, I feel contempt. How can she do it?

ALLISON
It's easy, staying in a bad relationship. You begin to believe that's the only kind there is.

SHERRIE
She's more afraid of being alone than she is of him.

MARTHA
What about money? Can she feed them?

JILL
I've offered her money. My Dad knocking mom around, that's normal as far as we're concerned. But no self-respecting human should put up with it! If men all do it, then, fuck it, the race should die out.

ALLISON
They don't all do it.

JILL
But why? Why do we let them?

SHERRIE
We're fools. Mush heads.

EMILY
It's enough to make you wish you were a Lesbian.

JILL
Or spayed, or something. I am so horny! I go out, I start to get turned on and then, zap! I freeze. I've seen too much, I can't believe there's any good ones.

MARTHA
Don't give up, honey. There are good ones. Two or three.

SHERRIE
Maybe only two, cause Allison's got one of them.

EMILY
Is he? How do you tell, any more?

SHERRIE
You've seen Trevor, haven't you? Yum yum yummy.

EMILY
I noticed he seems shy. Which is odd, for a guy who's like the cross between a donkey and an onion.

ALLISON
A donkey and an onion?

SHERRIE
Emily! A joke? All right, a cross between donkey and onion?

EMILY (embarrassed)
A piece of ass to bring tears to your eyes.

SHERRIE
Hallelujah! Emily did a naughty!

JILL
You know, it's true, though. The first time I met Allison's Trevor, I thought, "anybody that great's got to be gay".

ALLISON
Funny: I thought so, too! But when he seemed to be coming on to me, I figured, "what the hell!" If he's genuinely sweet --

JILL
Sweet?!

ALLISON
Really! If Trevor got left out in the rain, he'd melt. I feel I have to protect him.

MARTHA
From what?

ALLISON
Oh -- the facts of life. Us! Sometimes I worry, you know? Five days a week I wade through all this crap, and then I go home and try to relate to a guy who thinks people are basically good.

SHERRIE
Just be careful. Has he proposed yet?

ALLISON
We've talked about it.

SHERRIE
Take your time. Use your head. He works in a pre-school, you told me. Right? And then after his master's he's going to teach junior high. Sure he is. They'll kill him! Two weeks, he'll be a basket case. What happens to you?

ALLISON
I'm not worried about that. It's me, it's this job. Like Jill says, you take it all in, it's got to go somewhere.

EMILY
Maybe he's not the one, then. If you can't share with him ...

ALLISON
No, I've told him a lot. War stories, filthy jokes --

MARTHA
So what's the problem?

ALLISON
I don't know. I look at this beautiful sensitive male who loves me, and I think, he deserves better. Trevor doesn't realize what living under seige does to a person. I'm not the beautiful sensitive female I was before I worked here. Or before Paul --

SHERRIE
Watch out. I've seen it happen. A woman divorces a scumball to marry a wimp, and boom! She's a wreck. She's holding his hand at the same time she's holding two jobs. Believe me: men are rats because it's a rat race. Wimps are losers.

MARTHA
My husband wasn't. He never earned a lot, that's true, but when you consider the strikes he had against him -- Maybe some people would call him a loser: but to me he was a decent, loving, God fearing man. I expect one day to see him wearing a crown. Come along, Allison, you and I have patients.

(ALLISON and MARTHA exit)

EMILY
We've upset her. Martha's so giving, sometimes I forget --

SHERRIE
Even saints are entitled, once in a while.

JILL
No, they're not. Saints, wives, mothers; servants and whores; woman have an ordained role. Even a ditchdigger feels he deserves comfort and care, and if a woman's not giving it --

SHERRIE
He gets angry. Whether a person shows it or not, there's anger. Out there, in the street, in the bedroom, it's the same problem. Deal with the anger.

JILL
Now, wait a minute. What about female anger? Why isn't somebody worrying about dealing with that?

SHERRIE
Somebody is: us. Face it. Women's anger is a woman's problem. Men's anger is what runs the world. The population of which is divided up into fools and who --? (cues ALL)

JILL and EMILY
"Fools and scum"!

SCENE TWENTY-THREE -- AN INCURSION

ALLISON
So, Ruth, if you'll sit here across from me, and your mother over there. (THE MILITANT handcuffs herself to the chair)

RUTH (suddenly frightened)
That woman's not my mother. I've never seen her before.

(ALLISON and the MILITANT speak simultaneously)

ALLISON Madame -- (to INTERCOM) Sally! Call the police. We've got an intruder in here. Don't be frightened, Ruth. We'll walk out quietly, and let the police come and do their job. Don't worry, now, we'll take care of you. There's no reason to be upset. (exit)

MILITANT Don't let her pretty clothes and her phony sympathy fool you. She's a murderer, and she wants you to be one, too. The devil's work, ripping out innocent lives, sending their mothers to hellfire. Wouldn't have your sin on my conscience for all the money in the world Don't do it! (THE MILITANT imitates an infant voice, crying and pleading) Mama! Don't kill me! Please, Mama don't kill me.

SCENE TWENTY-THREE -- COLLAGE OF PATIENTS
(This should be staged in an abstract way, with increasing pressure, so that it seems that the audience is inside ALLISON's head as she is less and less able to deal with the stress.)

RUTH
The three of us were watching T.V. when my girlfriend decided to go out and get us a pizza. While she was gone, her husband raped me. I couldn't believe it was happening, it was so fast. Before this he'd never even made a pass.

GALE
Philip is just totally dependent on me. Emotionally. Financially. I've been trying to ease him out, get him to leave without having scenes and crises. I've been very careful. My rule is, no sex unless we use both condoms and foam.

JUDY
Every time I had sex I took one of my mom's pills, so I don't understand how I got pregnant. It shouldn't happen. I haven't even got my curse, yet.

GALE
Philip would insist we get married. Even call up my parents and announce they're having a grandchild! I wouldn't put it past him.

JUDY
My brother was sure -- a girl can't get pregnant until she has periods. So we figured it was OK to fool around. Wrong!

RUTH
When he got off me, I ran and locked myself in the bathroom. I was sick in the toilet, twice, and then I took a shower. When I heard my girlfriend come home, I came out, and there they were, the two of them, eating pizza. He was eating and talking and laughing and acting friendly, like it was nothing.

JUDY
When my mother caught us, first she made all sorts of noise. Then she kind of calmed down and laughed it off. But then she made me get a pregnancy test, because I started throwing up. But a test can be a mistake, can't it? I mean, I'm just a kid. I don't even have anything up top!

ANDREA
For like four or five years my husband was like real fucked up. A few times I got into it too. Shooting up to keep him company, prove I love him, shit like that.

GALE
A month or so back I went out with a girlfriend, crying in our beer, and when I got home I fell asleep in my slip. Next morning I notice my panties are off, and I'm sticky.

ANDREA
I know where shit like that gets you. I've seen what it does. So I smartened up and stayed clean, and I kept on Ron's ass until he got off of the stuff too. He started working a good job, got into counseling, our marriage was working out, you know what I mean? I was so crazy happy I decided we should have a baby!

GALE
Well, I'm suspicious: so as soon as the minimum time goes by I do a pregnancy test. Sure enough, the bastard got me! I'm not going to tell him. No repercussions. I'm just going to keep pushing Philip towards the door until I'm free.

ANDREA
Two weeks ago we found out Ron has AIDS. Just like that. A goddam death sentence.

RUTH
I told Linette I was sick and I was going home. And I haven't been over there since. We used to get together all the time. So now my girlfriend's beginning to wonder. She asks me, "Ruth, is anything wrong?" But I can't tell her. She thinks they're happy! She thinks he loves her.

ANDREA
The doctor says there's no way to tell. I might have to watch over my baby for ten years, not knowing if he was going to have it too. Is that fucked, or what? I sure don't call that fair: hitting us like a sick joke, after we go and get our lives together. Anyways, I can't take that. Looking at my little kid day by day. Wondering whether he's gonna take sick and die on me! Ron's mother says, "Don't have the abortion, take a chance: maybe there'll be something of Ron left alive that way." But that's not the way I see it.

SCENE TWENTY-FOUR -- CRACKED
(EMILY hears a commotion in the hall, rushes up to help. BRANDY, a wild woman, runs down the hall, chasing ALLISON, punching at her. SALLY is in pursuit.)

BRANDY
I'll kill you, you cocksucking bitch! I'll kill you!

EMILY (hesitates, then jumps in)
Calm down, take it easy, what's the trouble here --

(JILL and SHERRIE rush up to join EMILY, who is wrestling with BRANDY. BRANDY lands a solid punch on ALLISON, who falls down hard.)

SHERRIE
Get her! (Struggle continues ad. lib. BRANDY is subdued.) Hold still, Sweetie, or I'll break your arm!

BRANDY
Get your filty hands off me, you bitch. Nobody's gonna touch me. You hear me? (BRANDY's pinned on the floor)

EMILY
We hear you. Nobody wants to hurt you. Just try to be calm. Allison, are you all right?

ALLISON
I'll be OK. In a minute.

BRANDY
Let me up!

EMILY
When you behave. We'll go downstairs, and see the nurse.

SALLY
Are you going to be reasonable and come along? Or do we call the cops? We can sit on you until they get here.

BRANDY
You're the ones should be fucking arrested! (SALLY looks as if she'll carry out her threat) No! I'll be good.

SHERRIE
What the hell set her off?

ALLISON
I wasn't listening carefully. I said the wrong word, a buzzword --

SALLY
Nothing to do with us. She had to stop taking her meds to go through the procedure. Without pills -- she's got a screw loose.

SHERRIE
I'll take her downstairs. She'll be a lamb, now. Won't you?

SALLY
Allison, how are you doing? Are you going to be all right? (ALLISON nods) Get yourself a cup of coffee. I'll reassign your next patient. Oh, Emily? I was on my way up here to bring you this batch of messages. All of them from somebody named Irene. She wanted your home phone, but I told her we don't do that.

EMILY
Thanks.

SCENE TWENTY-FIVE -- A FRIEND IN NEED
(In lounge, ALLISON pours herself coffee, sits, hugs pillow. EMILY approaches ALLISON, who gives a rueful smile and waves her away. EMILY consults the messages SALLY handed her, goes to the phone, sighs, begins to dial and then changes her mind, puts phone down.)

EMILY
Sh -- oot!

ALLISON
Trouble?

EMILY (indicates phone)
Not really. A patient -- She wants to be my friend!

ALLISON
You'll have to tell her it's against policy. The more needy she is, the less you can afford to get involved.

EMILY
I know. But I feel like --

ALLISON
Shit.

EMILY
Right. Shit. A cheat.

ALLISON
Did you give her a referral?

EMILY
Sure. But she doesn't want a referral, she wants me.

ALLISON
You can't be everything to everybody. Try, and you'll end up like me. Burnt out and useless. (punches pillow)

EMILY
Allison! Don't talk like that.

ALLISON
You were great, there, Emily. A regular tiger. Thanks.

EMILY (grins)
I forgot to be scared!

ALLISON
Oh, is that the secret?

EMILY
No. No, it's not. I was scared. But like you told me, nobody's born brave: courage is a matter of practice.

ALLISON
My God, did I say that? Like an oracle! Let me down off the pedestal, Em. I wasn't paying attention, and now that woman's in trouble. I should have seen the signs --

EMILY
That's crazy. Nobody's perfect. But you're the best.

ALLISON
Emily, open your eyes. Six months ago, maybe. But now -- I'm rushing through the rap, cueing: "You're feeling good about this decision, aren't you?"! I see prior abortions and think, "Great! I won't have to explain the procedure!" Sally should fire me.

EMILY
We all have bad days.

ALLISON
Not any more! Trevor's proposed. If I say yes, I'll be out of here and on my merry way. Three weeks from Thursday.

EMILY
But -- so soon?

ALLISON
That's the schedule, if we're going to start grad school together. Less than a month, I'll be wedded and living on the loveliest campus in the Ivy League. After my degree, I'll get a comfortable job, probably not Ivy League, but definitely dealing with the planned children of the upper middle classes. I'll have a tiny yard with an azalea bush, and my own study full of books, and Trevor and I will have two point three babies and live happily ever after.

EMILY
But that's wonderful! Congratulations!

ALLISON
Don't tell anyone, yet, will you? God. I'm going to feel like --

EMILY
Shit? A cheat? (ALLISON nods) But you don't owe us. And nobody'll blame you. Even on a good day, sometimes, I hear the aspiration machine, I want to go out the door and keep walking --

ALLISON
Don't you dare! If you don't hunker down and give them at least two years --! Oh, Emily, take care of yourself. Don't listen to me. I don't even know what I'm saying.

EMILY
I think you're saying you're sorry to leave. Because of how much we'll miss you. And your Spanish.

ALLISON
There's plenty of Latina women, if the clinic'd make an effort. But no, they'd rather hire someone like me: the daughter of a diplomat, who picked it up from the maids.

EMILY
While we're on the subject: What's "regla"?

ALLISON
Slang. Like "on the rag".

EMILY
Oh! Screwed up again!

ALLISON
How's the class going?

EMILY
OK, I guess. I'm getting an "A", and practicing on waiters. But in here -- Maybe it's my accent, but the Latinas I try to talk to are so -- quiet. No anger, no --

ALLISON
Just remember. It's really lonely. Lots of depression. When you hear "es un pecado" --

EMILY
Sin! That stops me cold. God. How do I deal with it?!

ALLISON
Emily, I've given up being God. So I don't know! Make sure the woman wants to go through with it. For guilt, give her referrals. Give her father Burton's number. Give her a hug. Do whatever you can, for as long as you can, then give the fuck up! (cries)

EMILY
Oh, Allison, is it something I said? I'm so sorry. Please don't cry -- Allison --

ALLISON (laughing and crying)
What the fuck kind of counselor are you? You're supposed to say it's -- (together with EMILY) -- "OK to cry!" (hug)

SCENE TWENTY-SIX
(In corridor)

SHERRIE (talking to SALLY)
"Romance", she says, and she's so embarrassed! Now that their children are gone, she and her husband are like young again. Kids! Valentine's day they went the limit: lobster, champagne. She's been through the change, that's behind her, thank God. (EMILY walks up, listens) So Valentine's day they're waltzing, kissing. Going home he's so excited he has to pull over the car.

SALLY
Like teenagers! So, like teenagers --! (they laugh. EMILY smiles)

SHERRIE
He comes in here with his arms full of roses. And after the two weeks of no-touchie, hubby's taking her off on a second honeymoon. I love him!

SALLY
Don't you just hate it when you fall in love with the partner!?

(EMILY, laughing, crosses to her next patient)

SHERRIE
No, it's good for you. (sings) "All you need is love ... boobie doopie" (does a little dance)

SCENE TWENTY-SEVEN -- ALKIE

SUE (larger than life)
I'm an alkie. My husband's an alkie, too: but it took him twenty years to admit it. Now he has, he's been dry since October 31.

EMILY
Congratulations.

SUE
Yeah. That's great, that he's dry. Except he hasn't been able to get it up from October 31st. Which is a real downer, you know?

EMILY
So to speak.

SUE
Yeah. I tried everything to get it up for him, but nothing worked until: First day of spring we're watching 60 Minutes and guess what? After about twenty minutes we had to stop watching 60 Minutes! First day of spring, first time, he gets it to spring up! So then for about ten minutes we're doing it. Ordinarily we'd use something, but it's been so long, and the program's still on, so I kind of forget. And then I felt him coming and I yell, "pull out, pull out!" But it's too late, so here I am.

EMILY
So, as we say in the counseling biz, how do you feel about that?

SUE
I am so pissed!

EMILY
Have you talked about it?

SUE
Does screaming and throwing things count?

EMILY
He didn't hit you?

SUE
Him?! That's not how it is with us. I throw, he ducks! (EMILY laughs) Still, I forgive him. I forgive him because if I'd been the one couldn't get it up for that long, I wouldn't have wanted to pull out either!

SCENE TWENTY-EIGHT -- EEK, A MAN!

ALLISON (with stack of pamphlets)
Will you look at this! Springfield's added a program for men, now. For the partners.

MARTHA
Using men for counselors?

SHERRIE
Men? Men won't do shit work, not for shit pay. Twenty dollars an hour, minimum.

ALLISON
Counseling's not shit work.

JILL
That's OK for you to say. You're leaving.

MARTHA
It's maybe a mite more dignified than cleaning houses. Which I was afraid for a while was all I'd ever be hired to do.

SHERRIE
You're not the only one. Agencies think if you spend fifteen years raising a family, estrogen dissolves your brain.

JILL
For men, they probably use real shrinks, eighty bucks an hour! A man's penis, money's no object.

SHERRIE
Tell him for two weeks he has to masturbate, you'd think it'd drop off. Which reminds me -- Did you hear about the queer spider? He kept playing with his friend's flies.

JILL
No, but I heard about the retired gynocologist who took up part-time work. To keep his hand in.

EMILY (enters)
Allison, Sally wants us at the front desk. We've got to do another search.

SHERRIE
Shit. Another bomb scare. Tuesday it was three fucking firetrucks! Guys with hatchets, tromping all over the place.

JILL
I was in shock. Thing is, was I in shock because somebody maybe planted a bomb? Or because there was a man in our room?

ALLISON
It is weird to see a man in here. I come off the elevator, go up to him and ask, "Can I help you?" meaning "What the hell are you doing?" OK, Em. Time to play detective. You know, I think you've got the hang of it. (EMILY's puzzled) Being brave. (exit)

SCENE TWENTY-NINE -- NEW GIRL
(SIS is 15, dressed in shorts, halter and baseball cap. She paces.)

EMILY (enters with KAY)
This is Kay. She's in training, so she'd like to sit in.

SIS
Fuck that. I ain't no Guinea pig.

EMILY
Whatever goes on here is confidential. Kay won't say anything.

SIS
I don't give a fuck.

KAY
I can leave --

EMILY
Wait a minute. Is Kay what's bothering you? You'd really prefer to be private? Because that's your right -- !

SIS
Rights? Shit! Listen, I don't care how many of you there are. Just say what you're gonna say and get it the fuck over!

EMILY
Sit down, Kay. (to SIS) What is it about this situation that's upsetting you?

SIS (in EMILY's face)
I hate counselors!

EMILY
You've had a bad experience.

SIS (to KAY)
What Insight! A "bad experience". Hundreds. My whole life.

EMILY
Your chart indicates that you have a drug problem.

SIS
Shit, no. No problem.

EMILY
Then, you're feeling comfortable with your decision?

SIS
Oh, top of the world.

EMILY
All this hostility --

SIS (to KAY)
Insight! Shit! She's so fucking sensitive.

EMILY
Wouldn't you be better off if you let go of some of it?

SIS (jumps up)
Oh, sure, you'd like that. Wouldn't you, bitch? I should spill my guts out so you can tell it to the DSS! Get me thrown out of the house while my Dad's free as a breeze!

EMILY
Is your father responsible for your pregnancy?

SIS
None of your fucking business.

EMILY
If that's so, you need someone to talk to. (SIS covers her ears, sings a "hate" song to drown EMILY out) At least to be with you after the procedure. Psychologically and physically, you'll be vulnerable -- (touches SIS)

SIS (pulls away)
Just shut up! Leave me alone! I don't need any of this crap. I've been through it before, it's like rape: the first time's hard; the second time you know what's coming, you can stand it. (KAY is shocked and frightened. SIS attacks her) What are you looking at, bitch?! Fuck off, you hear me? Get out of my face, or I'll --!

(KAY runs out)

EMILY (holds SIS back)
Calm down! Take it easy. We're here to help you.

SCENE TWENTY-NINE A
(KAY and SALLY in hall)

KAY
I don't know if I'm going to be able to cope with this.

SALLY
You've done this before, haven't you?

KAY
It was volunteer, with the Episcopal ch --

SALLY
Close enough. This is a different environment, is all. A different population. Don't be discouraged. Most days it's so peaceful and civilized around here it's boring.

SCENE THIRTY -- REPEATER
(LIGHTS UP on cubicle. RITA is in heels, tight pants and a sexy top. She takes out a cigarette.)

ALLISON
After we've finished talking here, a medical assistant will come and get you and take you to the procedure room. She'll stay right with you throughout the whole procedure, just in case you have any questions. You'll go behind ...

RITA (moves her mouth to parrot the RAP, which she has memorized, from "the procedure room" to this point, where RITA takes over)
-- I'll go behind a curtain in the corner and undress from the waist down, cover myself with a paper drape. When I'm cozy and comfy, the doctor will come in. If I want a woman doctor, tell it to my counselor! She'd love that. Now, the first thing the doctor will do is a simple pelvic exam -- two fingers in the vagina (obscene gesture)

ALLISON
I guess you know what's going to happen.

RITA (lights cigarette)
Yeah. I could get a job here.

ALLISON
This is what, your sixth abortion?

RITA
Seventh.

ALLISON
You know all the answers. So why are you back?

RITA
I want to get my tubes tied. The doctors won't do it.

ALLISON
They'd prefer that you were older than twenty-three --

RITA
I'm an adult. That ought to be enough.

ALLISON
If you had two or three children --

RITA
One's too many.

ALLISON (trying hard)
But those aren't hard and fast rules. I know Dr. Morvin would--

RITA
Crap he will. I've asked him. And. I've tried Mass General, B.I., Brigham and Women's, City -- Oh, they'll do it if they can make me suffer. But I'm not putting up with that shit. I won't go to any butchershop won't give me anesthesia. And the only places that'll put me to sleep won't do it because they have fucking "guidelines". Shit. What do you people care? You get your money.

ALLISON
Do you want me to check into it for you?

RITA
Go right ahead, if you like wasting your time.

ALLISON
You have to have some method --

RITA
Forget the pills: pills make me sick.

ALLISON
All pills?

RITA
You heard me.

ALLISON (barely in control)
There's the diaphragm, and the cervical cap --

RITA
I'm not putting that skungy crap inside of me.

ALLISON
There's one kind of IUD that --

RITA
Oh no you don't. I've heard all about those! Perforations. Infections. Fucking tube pregnancies. The thing goes right through the wall of your womb and wraps itself around your organs.

ALLISON
Incidents like that are very rare. In Europe the IUD is --

RITA (smirks, "got ya!")
It happened to my cousin.

ALLISON
All right. That pretty much leaves condoms and foam.

RITA
Don't make me laugh. Might as well be fucking an innertube.

ALLISON
So, what are you going to do to keep from getting pregnant?

RITA
Nothing. I'm going to keep having abortions.

ALLISON
Your reproductive organs --

RITA
I don't care if it all falls out! I don't want to be stuffed with plastic. And I don't want another kid!They made me have the one I got, and I fucking hate her.

ALLISON
How about disease? Is AIDS a joke, too?

RITA
Forget it. I can't be bothered. It's not like I go around screwing fags.

ALLISON (rises)
I can't continue this. I can't do it any more. Shit! I'm waking up nights, breaking out in hives, yelling at Trevor. For nothing! Because he lost my place in my library book! Help you? I'd like to see you hemorrage! I hope you do get AIDs -- except you'd give it to half of Massachusetts! I'd like to -- Oh, God. (to intercom) Sally? I think I just quit.

FINAL SCENE -- PARTY TIME
(Lounge. SHERRIE et al. are putting up balloons and crepe paper streamers, wedding bells, etc. The actors who have played PATIENTS join the scene as nurses, receptionist, and counselors who have not appeared before. ALLISON comes in carrying a bottle of champagne and wearing a bridal wreath, somewhat askew. ALLISON's tipsy, EMILY becomes so)

ALLISON
Come on, everybody! Have some bubbly.

SHERRIE
You're Kay, aren't you? Replacing Emily at the bottom of the pole.

KAY
I thought I was replacing Allison.

SHERRIE
It's how you look at it. Allison's leaving: Emily's moving up.

ALLISON (shows boxes)
Look at this loot! Tons! Can't even open it all.

SALLY
From the nurses? (to cheers, she holds up a brief nightie set of red and black lace)

SHERRIE
Trevor's going to love it. Give him such a boner!

"ALMA" -- COUNSELOR #1, Spanish accent
Here's to sunny days and hot nights! (they drink)

ALLISON
It has a matching boa! (gets out boa)

EMILY (wraps it round herself)
I don't believe it! Like a movie star!

(KAY and one of the nurses try on lingerie over their clothes, striking silly poses and giggling.)

ALLISON
It came with a wonderful card.

JILL
You never heard such slop. If Allison reads all this stuff at once her head will swell up like one of these balloons.

ALLISON
I'm going to start weeping again.

SALLY (reads)
Listen to this: "We've lost our inspiration and model." Whew!

NURSE #1
Who's that from? Can I see it? (takes card)

EMILY
Oh, God! Listen to this one! "If I had been blessed with a daughter I would wish her to be so much like you. You are beautiful inside and out. A bed of roses covered with a golden blanket."

SHERRIE
That's got to be Alma. Kay! Have you met Alma? Very excitable. (KAY, embarrassed, puts down the lacey bra)

SALLY
Look who's talking!

NURSE #2 (holds candlesticks up to breasts)
Who're these from?

ALLISON
We don't know. We can't find the card.

EMILY
This is so touching. Allison! You're going to have to keep this card your whole life and read it once a week. "You have such a beautiful man that you deserve, and I'm so glad for you! I know you will accomplish great things --"

ALLISON
Not likely -- in grad school.

MARTHA
You don't usually hear that kind of stuff outside of the Academy Awards.

SALLY
Or a funeral eulogy. If Allison got shot in the line of duty --

EMILY (reads)
"You have enriched our lives. I will never forget you." Oh, Allison, that's so true. How will we get along without you?

SHERRIE
Cheer up. Probably by next year we'll all be gone.

EMILY
What do you mean?

SHERRIE
How long can we stay open, if it's all-out war? How long will doctors work here, with the screaming pickets and the threats and the shootings? Hundreds already have been closed down. No landlord will rent, the clinics can't get insurance --

EMILY
We can't give in to them. We've got to fight.

JILL
Get us some guns! Firebomb the bastards, see how they like it, living in fear! (mimes shooting) Ak-ak-ak! Eat lead, Suckers!

SHERRIE
Holy shit! Don't call the FBI, Kay. Jill doesn't mean it. Lousy topic. Say, did you hear what Vanna White said about Roe vs Wade? "What difference does it make, so long as you get across?"

ALLISON
Have some more champagne.

EMILY
Jill, please don't eat that.

JILL (puts down fudge)
Right. Thanks.

KAY (holds flip book)
What in the world is this?

ALLISON
That's The Proud Penis. It's a flip book. Go on, flip it.

KAY (flipping, laughs)
Who got you this? I don't believe it!

SHERRIE (points at book SALLY's reading)
Plus an autographed copy of The Joy Of Sex! Whatdaya say, Sal? Good stuff?

MARTHA
Does anybody really do these things?

SHERRIE
Do they? Poll the congregation. How many do the Ice Trick?

(JILL raises her hand. ALMA joins her, whispers)

ALMA
Me too! Me! (to JILL) What is it?

SHERRIE
Show of hands! Bondage? (MARTHA "confesses", collapses giggling) Blow jobs? (All hands except MARTHA and SALLY, cheering)

SHERRIE
Sally's not with it. Emily? Do you swallow sperm?

EMILY
Well -- I used to. But now only if the guy's a vegetarian. (all laugh) No, really. It makes a difference! (more laughter)

SHERRIE
Like the Admiral's daughter, who wanted to make a home for discharged seamen!

JILL
I'll drink to that! (sings and dances)
"Here's to the girl in the little red shoes,
She drinks all the liquor, she laps up the booze,
She has not her cherry, but that is no sin,
(some join)
She still has the box that the cherry came in"
(they cheer)

ALLISON (holds up big box)
Wait till you see the stuff in here! (JILL fishes some condoms out of the box, blows one up like a balloon, hands others to KAY to do likewise.) Lubricants, all kinds of lubricants, jelly, vasoline, oils --

KAY
The course of true love must run smooth.

MARTHA (demonstrates spray)
Starch. Just in case.

SHERRIE
For the Honored Member.

EMILY
Oh, no. On a honeymoon?

NURSE #1
He shouldn't need encouragement for at least a year!

ALMA
Counting from wedding or bedding?

ALLISON
Who's counting?

SHERRIE
Count and measure. It's a good thing, try him out before you cement him in. My cousin Rochelle, on her wedding night gets a little surprise: Oh, Sheldon, it looks like a penis, only smaller.

MARTHA
Ahem! Time for another toast! To the couple in their New Life! The blessed institution of marriage --

SHERRIE
But who wants to live in an institution?

SALLY
Shut up, Sherrie. You're just jealous.

SHERRIE
Hey, I can't complain. Bubbles and I had twelve good years together. Twelve out of twenty's not bad.

EMILY
Can we do the toast, please? May Allison find as much love ahead as she leaves behind, here.

(A few say "hear, hear!")

MARTHA (continuing toast)
May she know, as I did, the comfort of a faithful loving husband.

EMILY
And may her path be strewn with roses! (throws a shower of tissue rose petals)

(The women cheer, toast, and kiss ALLISON. SHERRIE pulls a huge vibrator out of the box, uses it for a microphone.)

SHERRIE
Is this on? (taps it) A song! Time for a song! "For she's a jolly good fellow ... etc (others join)

JILL
What is this "fellow" stuff!? Do it right. (sings) "For she's a jolly good person -- " (some join, some boo)

EMILY (turns tape on, drowning singers)
Let's dance!

(EMILY and ALMA dance to the tape. KAY and SALLY are playing volleyball with the blown-up condoms)

SHERRIE (dances to Madonna tape)
Did you hear about the woman I had yesterday? Her curlers pick up radio waves from outer space, they're telling her "have sex, have sex!" (notices tape, stops) What's that playing? "Poppa Don't Preach!"?!

EMILY (sings into vibrator)
"I'm keeping my baby ..."!

JILL
Get her! (they batter EMILY with blown-up condoms)

ALMA
Are those condoms?!! (batting balloons)

ALLISON
Have some! Help yourself. I've got seven kinds. You like em ribbed? With faces? Foam!

(JILL squirts the foam, others run screaming away.)

SHERRIE
Pills! All kinds pills! (tosses packages around, prescription and candy pills on strings)

ALLISON
Contraceptives! Just what an engaged couple needs.

MARTHA (commands silence)
But since you'll be married a long time, we hope, and will want to partake of the joys of family life, we also have for you a ceptive. (Hands ALLISON box)

KAY
What's a ceptive?

ALLISON (demonstrates)
A diaphragm with a hole! (cheers)

EMILY (hugging ALLISON)
It's so sad, I can't stand it! You're leaving and then you'll be a mother and forget all about us and --

SALLY (gathers others and starts singing)
"Should auld acquaintance ..." (linking arms and swaying)

ALLISON (speechifying over the song, hugging EMILY)
No I won't! I promise! I'll get my Master's in Social Work, and I'll come back and take over the clinic! I'll hire you all, double the pay. (cheers) I'll banish the demonstrators to -- Flatbush. 'N fill all the rooms with flowers! So, Emily, you're going to hold the fort. (ALLISON puts her wreath on EMILY) And -- I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name -- (KAY supplies her name) -- Kay, here, is gonna be terrific. So --

ALL (singing)
"... be forgot, and never brought to mind,
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and days of auld lang syne?"

(all form a swaying line, smaltzing it up, then begin to pick up speed on the chorus, turning it into a Rockette kick line)

"For auld lang syne, my dear, For auld lang syne.
We'll drink a cup of kindness yet, for Auld Lang Syne."

(They collapse in a giggling, hugging heap)

EMILY (steps forward, to audience)
I hope I can have a party some day, like -- In two years, Allison said. Give them at least two years. Allison lasted for three, but then Allison's so strong. When I saw her, on that talk show, she was like a goddess -- Kwan Yin maybe -- summoning me: "Your sisters are in danger. They need you."

Me? I hardly knew who I was! Thank you, Allison, and ladies -- all of you -- for -- it's so hard to put into words. I must have sat for an hour, trying to write what I feel onto Allison's card. In the end I couldn't -- I just quoted this, from the Tao Te Ching, The Way of Life:

"If you can continue befriending
with no prejudice, no art;
If all your plans and your learning
are shaped by your loving heart;
If you give birth, and nourish its growing,
and guide without claim or strife;
If you lead the weak without their knowing,
Your way is the Way of Life."

THE END

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