A Full Length Play

Partners
2 acts, unit set, 2 women, 2 men

By G. L. Horton
copyright © 2000 Geralyn Horton

Systems analyst Bart Mallory tries to sell his wife Terri on the idea that understanding problems is not enough. Terri should concentrate on getting into a position where she can use her intelligence and financial skills to solve them. Terri's business success will be the top priority for both of them.

Bart's secretary Kathy is making errors because her mind is on her kids and their troubles. Bart agrees that being a single parent is hard, but suggests it'd be easier if women were logical. When Terri tells Bart about a set-back at work, her husband decides that she's got "Kathy's Disease"--feminine conditioning. Bart offers to take over responsibility for their domestic life, so that Terri can concentrate on being businesslike and aggressive. They'll phase out "husband" and "wife": be partners. Bart can improve on anything a wife does- except having babies.

Terri's boss, John Stillwater, is willing to be her mentor: he likes strong women. But he also has reservations about women in general buying in to the macho-culture and its values. Stillwater and his wife aimed for balance in their own lives, rather than material success.

Terri is sick in bed with a virus when Bart comes home early- he's got it too: caused, no doubt, by role-stress. They reveal their doubts and vulnerabilities, tease and comfort each other, feed each other home remedies and "infant treats". At last they make love- "just what the doctor ordered."

Bart has been using Kathy to fill in some of the gaps in his comfort and feeding now that Terri isn't acting the wife-role. And, as usual, he shows a great interest in Kathy's kids and their progress. Kathy protests: he's getting a little unprofessional. But Bart claims he's "falling apart", and as he details his domestic problems, Kathy gets the impression he and his wife have split up. Hope rises- Bart's secretary has a crush on him. When Bart assures her that he's still married, and contrasts Terri's steel-trap mind with homebodies like Kathy and his own mother, that's the last straw. Kathy throws the jacket she's been mending at him and slams out.

Bart's tells Terri they ought to hire household help: especially, he teases, help that'll look after their "little exemptions" -- childcare's deductible. While they're celebrating Terri's promotion at work, Stillwater warns Bart privately that she's in line for a job that'll mean moving to San Diego-- is Bart willing to go? Bart's enthusiastic. He wants to create a superwoman who can Up the Gross! (i.e. National Product) But as Kathy helps Bart pack up at his office, he begins to realize how much he's going to miss his job and his role- and his secretary. Terri's careless discard of the baby things her mother gave her during the pregnancy that miscarried forces them to compare visions of the future. Bart wants to settle in San Diego -- or somewhere -- and have a family. Terri reminds him that he encouraged her to aim for the top. She sees it's possible, now: but not if she takes time out to raise babies. Parenthood's the one domestic burden that can't be "solved" by logic or organization or some other bright idea.

Bart pays a 2am visit to his secretary, ready to tell her his problems. Kathy hesitates, then lets him in. When Bart doesn't come home, Terri reconsiders: she is willing to have children, if it's important to him. Bart rejects this-- she's convinced him motherhood's not for her. When he lets slip that he's already come up a new plan to partner Kathy, Terri explodes PARTNERS first appeared as a 1980 Playwright's Platform Festival one-act titled WORKING IT OUT, and in that form played three engagements in local churches. Revised and extended to full-length, it that was done in New York as part of WIT's Spotlight on Women series in March of 1984, directed by Leslie Hoban Blake. That revision of PARTNERS was part of the Atlanta New Play Festival, produced by Onstage Atlanta; and chosen by June Judson 's Theatre In Process for a no-frills production May of 1984, directed by Richard Lawrence.

CHARACTERS

BARTON MALLORY, 34, systems analyst employed by Dataspecs, a consulting firm along Boston's route 128. He is bright, brash, and boyish, with an insistent puppylike charm.

THERESA MALLORY, 34, M.B.A., his wife, employed by the research department of Altschuler Tool Die & Engineering, a old family- owned company that has grown to a national multiproduct business still known, anachronistically, as ATD&E. Terri is angular but pretty, though not strikingly so, not like a model. She has a soft, lost, slightly out-of-focus quality that could be mistaken for shyness or even stupidity. Terri has a great deal of intelligence -- but it is of the sort that gave rise to the legend of the "absent-minded professor", and because it has been a source of embarrassment for her, she doesn't really trust it. She compensates by taking the advice of more worldly people, and by making lists.

JOHN ADAMS STILLWATER, 60, Vice President of ATD&E, Terri's boss. He is a Boston Brahman, and a gentleman of the old school.

KATHY FITZPATRICK, 30, Bart's secretary; plump, spunky and warm. A divorced mother of two (Andy and Alice), she has coped very well in spite of her working-class education and background.

The play is in twelve scenes. The set, which should be sketchy, indicates the Mallory's modern apartment, and alternately Terri's office and Bart's. The time is this year and next.

PARTNERS ACT ONE SCENE ONE
EIGHT-THIRTY P.M. ON A FRIDAY. THERESA AND BARTON MALLORY ARE AT HOME IN THEIR MODERN APARTMENT OVERLOOKING BOSTON'S BACK BAY. TERRI IS AT THE KEYBOARD OF THEIR MICROCOMPUTER. HER BLAZER JACKET HAS FALLEN ONTO THE FLOOR, HER SCARF IS ASKEW, AND SHE HAS BRIEFCASE, PAPERS, GRAPHS, AND PRINTOUTS SPREAD ALL AROUND HER. ON THE COFFEE TABLE. ONE OF HER MEDIUM-HEELED PUMPS IS SERVING AS A PAPERWEIGHT. BART HAS TAKEN OFF HIS SPORTCOAT AND LOOSENED HIS TIE, BUT OTHERWISE HE IS STILL DRESSED IN HIS "TECHNOCRAT" WORK OUTFIT. BART'S BRIEFCASE IS OPEN, BUT HE HAS FINISHED HIS "HOMEWORK" SINCE THEN HE'S AMUSED HIMSELF BY LEAFING THOUGH A PILE OF MAGAZINES WHICH ARE STREWN AROUND, AND NOW HE IS MUNCHING ON A HUNK OF FRENCH BREAD WHILE HE TALKS ON THE TELEPHONE.

BART (on phone)
—Yeah, sure, that's what I said. But that was last week. Before I heard about the By-tech phasedown. ... Ok, sure. But if you and I just go ahead and spec the job, what's Klerowski going to do? Fire us? We're the only guys who even know the access code. ... All right, hey, I'm sorry I mentioned it. Go back to your chess game.

(Silence. magazine shuffling. Barton finishes the bread, looks at his watch, clears his throat. Terri's still lost in thought. )
( bangs on the table with her shoe.)

BART
Terri! Do you realize how late it is?

TERRI (looks up, blank)
Late? It is? Why didn't you say something? (still working)

BART
Hey, short of setting off a bomb, I don't know how to get your attention once you absorb. Don't you get hungry?

(no response. BART goes into the kitchen)

Snuggles? Anything to eat out here? Tch, tch, just left- over dried up Meow Mix.

TERRI (at computer)
This is going to come out, I know its going to-

BART
Our woman is so busy. Maybe I oughta shoot us a couple rats. (comes to the door with a bread-pistol, mimes) Blam! Blam!

TERRI (looks up, puzzled)
What?

BART (growls, wolfs down bread)
Meat!

TERRI (points to print-out)
Oh, Bart, look! Will you look at these beautiful numbers! (shows him, bouncing with excitement)

BART (still playful, he bounces too)
Wow!

TERRI (wads up balls of scratch paper and tosses them up in the air)
Oh, God, oh Eureka! I've done it!

BART (looking exaggeratedly grim)
But wait - just a minute before you celebrate. There's more to the corporate game than just being right. Are you ready for the next step?

TERRI (hugging him)
OK, OK, I hear you. But I love just being right! Don't you?

BART (kissing her)
Well, I'm used to it.

TERRI
So should I get the champagne now?

BART
On an empty stomach? One glass and you'll pass out.

TERRI
I suppose we'd better have something to eat. (looks at watch) My God! I've starved you! I'm sorry, honey. (goes to kitchen) We'll eat just as soon as I make up the garlic bread.

BAR
Sweetheart...

TERRI (off)
What?

BART
Everything's cold out in the kitchen. I checked.

TERRI (at kitchen door)
I had the timer set to turn the oven off at seven. I just turned it back on, so as soon as I figure out where I put the loaf I'll make the garlic bread, and..

BART
Never mind, dear. I'm ..uh .. kind of full.

TERRI
Of what?

BART
Bread.

TERRI
The bread for the garlic bread?

BART (gestures)
Long stuff? (Terri nods) That must've been it.

TERRI
But Barton, I've squeezed fresh garlic. Since you read that book on Cellular Awareness I've been juggling menus like a like an eight handed Hindu Goddess. Natural fiber. Balanced aminos. Ethnic diversity. So now the oven's full of balanced mousaka, and you're full of bread.

BART
Natural, ethnic bread!

TERRI (into kitchen)
I wonder if the cat'll like it.

BART
All right, punish me. But don't exile me to restaurants! After suffering through your MBA I never want to see another restaurant. Give me ethnic bread and water here by my hearth, I won't complain.

TERRI (begins to clean up the mess)
You complained about the tabouli.

BART (yelling)
You left out the mint!

TERRI
The recipe left out the mint!

BART
You shouldn't need a recipe to know that it has mint in it! You've eaten it often enough, at the Algiers.

TERRI (hangs up clothes)
I didn't notice!

BART
You never notice! Set you down in front of a computer, and you'll work 'till you faint! After which you'll lie there on the floor and let the bully-boys in your office walk all over you. (Terri tidies)

TERRI
Do you at least want salad?

BART
I told you. I'm not hungry. Sit down. We have to plot the revolution at ATD&E.

TERRI
Is that what we want?

BART
Sure it is. Power, riches, notoriety. Why else have you spent the last five months glued to the grindstone?

TERRI
I ask myself. Spite? I had to prove that even though those guys are engineers and sons of engineers and tough-minded hard-hat sons of bitches, they're screwing up their own business.

BART
So, we've proved it. So now what?

TERRI (looks for missing shoe)
Turn in a memo and take a well-earned rest, Clean the apartment. Catch up on our social life. Maybe even see a movie. What was the last one? Terminator II?

BART
I think it was Gone With The Wind.

TERRI (searching under furniture)
I don't have to work this hard. Altschuler Tool Die & Engineering does not expect me to.

BART
I expect you!

TERRI
Landing this kind of job was supposed to bring us closer,

BART
It has!

TERRI (finds shoe)
Closer does not mean in the same room with you feeling neglected.

BART
I enjoy helping you outgun 'em! Sweetheart, we have so much more in common, so much more to say to each other, than Karen and I ever had, or even our folks ...

TERRI (straightens magazines)
God, I hope so! Are you done with these magazines?

BART
Yeah, sure. Wait! Leave me INfoworld. Your Mom and Dad were teachers, they had that to talk about.

TERRI
Did they? My mom? Have you heard her?

BART
Well, uh..

TERRI
Go ahead, quote me something. Something memorable.

BART
About teaching?

TERRI
About anything! One quotable word! Do you realize she graduated 4th in her class? So at one time she must've had a brain. At least before she had kids she did.

BART
Since when does motherhood cause the brain to atrophy?

TERRI
Look at our mothers!

BART
My Mom's fine! It's Dad who's atrophied!

TERRI
There must be a chemical change in female brain function. When I was pregnant, even though it was only four months, there were these weird responses, I don't suppose you noticed.

BART
I noticed. You slept all the time! You even ate.

TERRI
More than that. My breasts got big, sure; but my attention span went haywire. I'm the one with the concentration, right? Nothing distracts me: I could work though a hurricane-

BART
Maybe a bomb!

TERRI
Besides which I had zero interest in babies ... but as soon as I started growing one, all of a sudden I tune in to all these crying babies, it's like I'm supposed to DO something about them. The hormones must set off a latent female instinct.

BART
Parenting's not a female instinct. Didn't you see that article in the Times? Men do it.

TERRI
The latest fad. Like racquetball.

BART
I LIKE racquetball!

TERRI
Now, you like racquetball. Last year you liked motorcycles.

BART
Some men even like KIDS! Phil's crazy about little Greg. He even does the 4am feeding.

TERRI
Sure he does! If Eileen wakes him up, and puts the bottle on. Eileen says Phil's more trouble than --

BART
Oh, my God! Eileen! She called. I forgot to tell you.

TERRI
When?

BART
Tuesday. About getting together.

TERRI
You'll see Phil on Sunday, won't you? For racquetball?

BART
Not this Sunday. No game because it's the 19th and it's...

TERRI
Eileen's birthday! Oh, no! We should've given her a party.

BART
She vetoed that. Says the onset of middle age is nothing to celebrate, so she's...

TERRI
She's only 35!

BART
Well technically, Terri, 35 is the middle of three score and ten.

TERRI
My God!

BART
She wants her oldest friends to take her somewhere glamorous and console her.

TERRI
Are they our oldest friends?

BART
They're mine. My ex got custody of the friends. Along with the car and dog and the summer place. I think Karen made them sign some kind of divorce pact, never to give me aid or comfort. Even the dog growls at me.

TERRI (timer rings in kitchen)
Mousaka's ready! (goes to kitchen) I can't celebrate Sunday night! Monday morning's my presentation.

BART
Eileen'll understand.

TERRI
I suppose I could ask for a postponement. What difference'll a week make? Or a year? God! Thirty-four, and what have I done?

BART
Hey, I'm not the heavyweight I expected to be, either. I thought by now I'd have my own consulting firm, four or five kids, a big old house with a strawberry patch.

TERRI (at kitchen door, with plate)
You did?

BART
Didn't I tell you? It must've been my first wife I told. Or maybe she told me.

TERRI (towards him with mousaka)
Are you sure you don't want this? Smells good. (he shakes his head. She brings her plate and joins him) It's hard to be a heavyweight and bounce around as much as you have. You spent two years on that patent: and just six months ago you were ready to dump technology and run for congress.

BART
All it takes is a web page and a computerized mailing list.

TERRI (blows on forkfull)
And a tolerance for fools.

BART
Fools vote.

TERRI
I don't mind that they vote. I mind that they come up to me at parties and make me smile at them.

BART
You don't want to go to Dottie's fund-raiser.

TERRI
Do I have to?

BART
No, you don't have to. You already sent her campaign money.

TERRI
But Dottie's anti-abortion! How much did you send her?

BART
YOU sent her two hundred bucks. And I told her if she's elected you want me to be her Secretary of Commerce.

TERRI
My God, is that a bribe?

BART
No, hey. With two thousand bucks it'd be a bribe. Two hundred, it's a suggestion.

TERRI
Oh.

BART
It's always smart to include some goodies when you make a suggestion. Like with your memo.

TERRI
You mean for John? Bribe John?! Stillwater?

BART
What's the matter? Afraid you'll both be fired?

TERRI (giggles)
Not a chance. Not from our department. Stillwater's backwater -- where employees who can't be fired are shuffled off to rot.

BART (begins to eat Terri's mousaka)
Hey, anybody can be fired --

TERRI
I can't -- not for a while, anyway. I'm their token woman. And Wilkins can't be fired because he designed the Wilkins Valve back in nineteen forty seven, and now he's got palsy...

BART
How about old Stillwater himself?

TERRI
I told you -- he's married to a big chunk of the stock! There we sit, the backlogs, collecting data like moss. We ponder, we analyze, once every eon or so we put out a memo.

BART
You've got to do better than that. Somehow you've got to get Stillwater all fired up over this. He's got to take these graphs of yours and stick em right under the nose of the founding father, what's-his-name? Altschuler.

TERRI
Walter. But he's the son: Walter Altschuler the Engineer, son of the Founder, Walter the Tool and Die Altschuler--

BART
Right. Stillwater's got to grab Altschuler-the-engineer by the lapels and tell him he's got no business throwing Tool and Die's money down a rathole! Tell him he'd better reorganize along the lines you've mapped out, or there'll be Big Trouble at the annual meeting!

TERRI
John do that? To his brother-in-law? Come on!

BART
I know old John's a wimp, but--

TERRI
He's not a wimp. He's a gentleman! But with his "vice- president" on the door, a nice steady income: Why should he make waves?

BART
He could have a lot bigger income.

TERRI
I don't think he cares, really. Money kind of bores him.

BART
Well, if bores him, why doesn't he quit and knit doilies? He can afford to! Or at least have the gumption to back somebody who does care, who has the ideas and the guts--

TERRI
John has ideas. He knew the problem was in inventory - somewhere. He got me started-

BART
But having more important things to think about--

TERRI
Maybe he does! His wife wrote a book about pre-Socratic philosophy: maybe he thinks metaphysics! Or maybe John knows his brother-in-law doesn't WANT another memo!

BART (decisive)
You'll have get it to him whether he wants it or not. Go over John's head.

TERRI
Me?

BART (rises, pacing)
You. March right in and force Altschuler to listen.

TERRI
Altschuler talks right through me! He never lets me finish a sentence, even if I'm answering a question, he just--

BART (cuts her off)
Don't put up with that! Talk louder.

TERRI
You mean yell?

BART
Sure, yell! Pound on the desk if you have to, stir up some adrenaline.

TERRI
I- I can't.

BART
Sure you can. Try it. "Mr. Altschuler, the answer to this company's profit problem is right there!" (he pounds)

TERRI (giggles)
He'd throw me out. He'd fire me.

BART
Believe me, he'll be impressed. Try it.

TERRI
Mr. Altschuler (she winds up to pound, Bart stops her before she smashes her plate)

BART
Wait! (moves the mousaka) Now. (Bart eats mousaka)

TERRI
Mr. Altschuler--- (awkward, feeble pound) I'd look ridiculous. Besides how could I double-cross John? After all he's done for me.

BART (picks up Terri's papers and pretends to dump them in the wastebasket)
O.K. Might as well dump this stuff right now!

TERRI (trying to rescue them)
Barton! No!

BART
Then what are you going to do about it?

TERRI
I figured it out, that's what I do about it! Looking at the numbers, and seeing what's there, what's possible, that's very satisfying, whether my projection gets carried through with or not.

BART (finishing up Terri's supper)
Believe me, that's nothing compared to making it happen! That's the rush! You'll love it! Why do you think Phil works on weapons systems?

TERRI
He's insensitive.

BART
His stuff gets built! Then it has fascinating bugs in it to be worked out, and then design a better one.

TERRI
That's frightening.

BART
You mean you're frightened! What're you going to be when you grow up, Terri? One of the clods who nerd along from day to day doing what's always been done, or someone who puts ideas to work, who can change the world? Change, growth, struggle: that's pretty scary, Ter. I'm not surprised that you're frightened.

TERRI (notices mousaka's gone)
I think I'm hungry, actually. Bart, what happened to my dinner?

BART
I ate it.

TERRI
But you were full of bread.

BART
Man lives not by bread alone. Where are you going?

TERRI (starts for kitchen)
To get some cold mousaka.

BART (catches her wrist)
Pay attention! If you were concentrating on this problem, you'd forget all about eating.

TERRI
What problem?

BART
Your problem! Well, hey, it's our problem, isn't it? I've got a lot invested. Our problem. Your success.

TERRI
If I don't eat between now and success...

BART (charting it on paper)
We've got till Monday morning, right? Monday morning as the first round, the initial battle of the war. Basic strategy. Allies..

TERRI
John?

BART
Is John an ally? Will he see this move as being in his own interest?

TERRI
Probably not.

BART
Maybe he'll buy into an alliance for some other reason. To piss off an old enemy, say. Or impress his family, something like that. Got any ideas? What's his weakness?

TERRI
Well... He LIKES me.

BART
Likes you how? Does he think of you as a turn-on, or--?

TERRI
I told you, he's a gentleman! An old-fashioned --

BART
Like a kid sister then? Or a peer?

TERRI
Do men ever think of a woman as a peer?

BART
A daughter?

TERRI
Maybe that's it. He has four of his own, but they've all flown the nest now, but he's gotten used to daughters. Or maybe I'm like his niece.

BART (pulls her down beside him)
All right! Incest! That's a place to start.

END OF ACT I SCENE I

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